The Man With Fifteen Questions

How Did I Fall For Her?

When I tried searching for a clue how I began falling in love with my ex-fiancée I couldn't pinpoint when exactly it happened.

Memories jumbled in my head.

Flashbacks happened.

It was like the domino effect and I'm trying to figure out when I should have stopped the fall. I knew that before something hits me hard a lot of things I never gave attention to were happening. That if only I could watch my previous life then maybe I'll see all the clues, the simple gestures, the casual conversations we had has its all effect. I would even push the pause button to glare at the scene where I was at.

But I asked this question not to justify whether my feelings are real or not. I won't convince myself it was all just a lie. Love is like having a disease. Sometimes it has its symptoms. It's either I cure it or I deal with it for as long as I live. Curing it means I wanted it to go away. In my case when I fell in love with her I just knew I had to act on it. It would never go away. I had to balance my emotions so I could last. Now I need to try for a medication. For what I once thought was incurable may actually be the opposite.

Funny thing is it is common for people to question love when they felt it. But when something triggers their happiness, sadness, or even madness people will just see it as an emotional reaction. With this realization I gave up thinking when I started loving her. All I know is that it happened. And I acknowledge it even if it was too late.

It's hard to forget everything I did but as I step forward I know someday I will just find myself being able to move on without her. And who knows? Maybe when that happened I'll be asking... How Did I Move On?