The Man With Fifteen Questions

Why does she love books?

I met a girl who loves reading books. And at first I can't understand her.

But when I found out that she's the daughter of a man who owns a publishing company I easily imagined that she must have been the kind of child who has tons of books in her room. And most of those books are gifts from her father so her habit of reading books must've come from those times where she couldn't consciously decide what she wanted to do with her spare time. Parents can be dictator sometimes.

But her hobby extends until our teenage years and I kept wondering what she'll get from reading something that comes out from another person's imagination.

It was just a waste of time. For me, reading a newspaper or a textbook or even a magazine makes more sense than giggling over a fiction novel.

Until I talk to her about it and she simply glares at me as if I'm the one doing something stupid. I tried to be nice. I told her she could try some activities that require full body movement. Or she could go out with some of her classmates whenever they invited her to watch a movie or go to a birthday party. What I couldn't tell her directly was the fact that she's simply deluding herself that someday what she reads on those fictional books will happen to her in real life. Fiction creates illusion until readers won't see the reality anymore. It's an escape. A waste of opportunity to be with someone they should really care about or things that matter.

I believe I have a good intention as I stated those suggestions. Unfortunately, she misunderstood what I said. Or so I thought.

Weeks after we talk she declared that I should be her fiancé. It was her eighteenth birthday and almost every one we know were at her party. I never saw it coming. All I knew was that I knew her. She knew me. I'm the best friend of her brother. And it's inevitable for our families not to get along with each other. But just like a scene in a romantic story she sees it as an opportune moment to declare that I am the right man for her.

Worst part was everyone agreed.

So there I was playing a role for her. I never hated anyone before. And I did try to pacify myself by believing things will change somehow. What happened might just be a dream.

But it was not a dream. I am actually having a nightmare—a very long nightmare. 

Every day I'm reminded that we are engage and I felt suffocated every time I met her because clearly what she sees in me is the man she often see in the books she read or currently reading. This is why I never really wanted to be with her. But our parents already had this notion that if we became husband and wife the bond between families will be stronger. It's absurd if someone bothered to ask me because with or without the marriage our families are already bonded like any other group of families. 

So I made my silent protest by secretly seeing different girls. But by doing so it only reminds me that I don't have my freedom because in the end I knew I can never be with them. So I had a change of plan. I intend to end this madness.

But she did it for me instead.

It happened after she saw I'm having sex with one of our schoolmate. I know I'm an asshole for doing that to her but as soon as she spoke, as soon as she told me we were over, I felt numb.

I knew I shattered her belief. I knew I became the villain instead of her prince charming. But those were just my theories.

I didn't know that ever since we met she was already looking at me.

I wasn't her hero in her story.

I instantly knew she wasn't delusional when she told me what to say in case our family asked why we no longer intend to marry.

It was me who didn't understand because there's one thing I failed to notice when all the while it was just staring at my face. 

She was lonely.

Books are the only thing that can make her happy as she lives with an older brother and a father who were oblivious on how to raise a young woman.

Too bad I met the real her when we were about to go our separate ways.

But I knew it's for the best.

That's what I kept telling myself since that's what I wanted to happen in the first place.