Always

4. Split mind.

A little note, later in the chapter, Finnick will be appearing...*In my book, Finnick is actually alive, and he never died. I don't like how he died in Mockingjay, he deserved more, I loved him so much, my top three favorite characters from the hunger games! so, he's alive in this book! *

Peeta POV. 

I woke up the next morning and felt my head pounding. I sat up and groaned. My head has never hurt this much. I get out of bed and look in the mirror. My face was red, tears stained on my face from crying all night. All night I've been crying about Katniss, my past, multiple nightmares about the games and my mind getting wired by the capitol. 

I walk back over to my bed and plop down. I look up at the ceiling and sigh. 'What am I going to do with myself?'.

I hear a loud knock on my door. 

"WHO IS IT?" I yell. 

"HAYMITCH!"

I immediately jump out of bed and run to open the door. I open the door and smile. 

"haymitch!" I say with the brightest smile. I jump on him basically. 

I hear him laugh. "Hey Peeta."

I let go of haymitch and walk into my room with him following behind me. 

I walk over to my bed and sit down. I look over at Haymitch who went to sit in front of me in the chair across the bed.  He looks at me and smiles.

"How are you Peeta?"

I laugh. "I wish I could say better to be honest."

He nods. "How much longer till you can come home?"

"Two days."

"Katniss will be happy."

My smile fades. I can't see her yet. Even when I finish my medicine in two days. I'm still scared to face her. I can't handle any pain that I could bring to her. 

"I'm scared haymitch, I'm scared to hurt her. I might be getting better, but I wasn't around Katniss, that is my biggest trigger. It kills me though. The one I love the most, I can't even be near her because of this fucking capitol How is it fair to me?"

I start to feel the tears run down my cheeks. All I want to do is go home to Katniss and hug her; tell her I love her. Tell her that I'm going to get better for her and help her get better. Save us from the past. I look up at haymitch. He looks broken. I don't think even he knows what to do anymore. I watch him tense up. I furrow my eyebrows and look at him. 

"Haymitch, did something happen to Katniss?"

Haymitch looks down. I feel the anger rise in my body. My hands start to shake. I can feel my brain just switching personalities. I can feel my whole body changing. I reach my hands toward my head and squeeze trying to calm myself down. I will kill anyone who hurts Katniss. 

I stand up and rush over to haymitch. I grab him by the collar and lift him out of the chair. I can see the fear in his eyes, but also the pain. 

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEND TO HER?"

Haymitch wasn't answering. He looked at me with pity. I grew angrier when he didn't reply to me. I throw him across the room, and he falls onto the glass table and the glass splutters everywhere. I walk over to him slow and see him sit up. He looks at me and spits blood out of his mouth. 

My breathing was heavy. I couldn't control myself right now. When it comes to Katniss my mind goes dark. Even with my mind switched to hate her, my love for her grows more than the fake hatred. 

I hear the doors bust open and three guards and Effie rush into the room. The guards come over to me and bring me down to the ground. 

"NO! LET ME GO!"

I look up at Effie and see her scared. I look over at haymitch who Begans to get back on his feet. I look at his arms and see cuts all over them. Hés breathing heavy and he holds his hands up to the guards. The guards release me and walk out of the room. I stand back up and walk over to my bed and sit down with my head in my hands. Effie walks over to me and hands me a necklace. I look at the necklace and see that it is a locket. I open up the locket and see a picture of me and Katniss during the quarter quell. 

We were on the beach, and we were kissing. our first real kiss. I dream about it every night. Her words that day too. She said, 'I need you'. 

I cried while holding the necklace. I needed her more than ever. I look up at haymitch.

"I am sorry haymitch. I'm so so sorry." I say with tears streaming down my face. Haymitch walks over to me and hugs me. I hug him back and just break down. Haymitch is like a father figure to me. He knows how to make me some type of calm. He brings peace with his aura. I feel a squeeze on my hands and see Effie holding my hands. I lean and cry on her shoulder. 

"I miss her so much. I just want to be around her. Hold her....But, I'm scared. I don't want to hurt her; I won't be able to live with myself." I frown.

Haymitch sighs. "I think she can't live without you Peeta."

I look up at haymitch. "What do you mean?"

"Last night, I did my nightly check on Katniss... I went into her house, and it was one, colder than ever, but I screamed her name, and she didn't respond. I continued over and over and still no response. I ran upstairs and found her laying by the window with the moon shinning over her. She was like paralyzed. She tried to speak and move but no words came out. As soon as I said your name she like woke up out of her mind, she was able to move and speak, she cried for hours about how she needs you. She loves you, she wants you home."

I frown. My beautiful Katniss. My girl on fire. Shes so alone and she needs me. I need to go home. once I finish this medication in two days, I am straight on the train to district 12. 

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Sorry that this chapter is so short. but I hope you still enjoyed!!!!! until next time

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo green :)