Between the pages

Chapter 21 Fragments of a smile

As you sat down at the desk, you found yourself writing something different in a fresh notebook, an attempt to focus your mind on something other than the overwhelming thoughts that had taken up residence there. The ideas from your previous notebook had vanished without a trace, like smoke slipping through your fingers, so you started something... new, hoping this might clear the fog and help even just a bit.

Your phone rested beside you, its screen dim but still close enough to catch your attention. Music played softly in the background, but mostly you waited—waited for his message. Giyu's texts were the only ones that mattered. The only one you cared to receive. Then again, it's not like you have any other contacts...

"How are you doing, Miss Y/N?"

You flinched at the sudden voice from behind, your hand instinctively going to your chest as you turned toward the door. A small, relieved breath escaped you when you saw it was just the nurse, her tray of food in hand.

"Ah... I'm doing alright, thanks," you said with a weak smile, trying to push down the nerves from being startled.

The nurse set the tray on the table, a knowing smile on her face. "It's no problem. Oh? Did Sir Giyu leave early?"

"Yeah... he uh—has work," you muttered, keeping your tone light, but there was an underlying heaviness that you couldn't hide.

She nodded sympathetically, placing a hand on your shoulder before sitting down beside you. Glancing over at what you were writing, she leaned in, curiosity evident in her eyes. "You know, you and Giyu would make a great couple."

You froze for a second, the comment hanging in the air. It wasn't a new thought, but hearing someone else say it aloud made the truth all the more apparent, and painful. A lump formed in your throat, and you quickly looked away, unsure how to respond. There were too many reasons why it couldn't work—too many barriers that couldn't be crossed. But the words felt heavy, and you didn't know how to explain it.

"...It would never work..." you muttered, almost too quietly. You didn't mean to sound defeated, but the words slipped out without your permission. You didn't want to get into it. Not now. Not with her. It was easier to just pretend like everything was fine.

She didn't press the matter, "Well, if you change your mind, I'll be here to cheer you on." offering you a smile before changing the subject. You appreciated that more than you let on, though you couldn't shake the thought of her words. A great couple. You wished that were true.

If only it was as simple as just... changing your mind.

—-----------—

The night passed quietly without a single text. At first, you tried to brush it off as nothing out of the ordinary. Giyu was always tired. Work was always demanding. You were used to the silence. It didn't mean anything—right?

But as the hours stretched on, a gnawing feeling settled in your chest. The emptiness of it. The loneliness that crept in when your phone remained dark and silent.

You stared at your phone, almost willing it to light up, to give you some sign that you weren't forgotten. That Giyu wasn't too busy to check on you. But the longer you waited, the more the thoughts crept in—was he really busy, or was he pulling away? Had something changed? Did he realize, like everyone else, that this wasn't going to work?

Or did he finally accept that this wasn't going to work?

Lucine shifted beside you, his warm presence offering a small comfort in the midst of the heavy silence. You absentmindedly scratched behind his ears, but the gesture did little to ease the growing feeling of being lost, as if you were floating without direction.

—-----------—

Later, you found yourself sitting on the bathroom floor, your body hunched over as the familiar coughing fit hit you. Blood and rose petals spilled into the handkerchief you held against your mouth, staining the fabric red. You couldn't suppress the groan of frustration that escaped you, curling further into yourself in an attempt to find some comfort against the growing ache.

A small puddle of blood had formed onto the floor with the amount you had coughed up, leaving a bitter metallic taste in your mouth.

Lucine, ever loyal, stayed close by. The little pup whined in concern, uncertain of how to help. He gently placed a paw on your hand, his soft touch grounding you, offering a fleeting sense of peace in the midst of the chaos.

"I'll be alright, Lucine... don't worry," you whispered, though the words felt hollow as soon as they left your lips. You couldn't even convince yourself. How long could you keep lying like this?

You rested your head against the cool bathroom wall, your thoughts spiraling. How long would you be able to keep up this mask of strength, this facade of pretending everything was okay when it was so clearly falling apart?

Your phone sat within arm's reach, tucked in your pocket, waiting for a message, for some sign that he still cared, that he was still thinking of you. But the minutes stretched into hours, and the sun slowly started to cast a golden glow through the room.

Guess he won't be able to visit later...

The thought was small, but it pierced through you. You felt it in your chest. And yet, you couldn't quite bring yourself to be upset, not really. Giyu had his own life. You couldn't expect him to stay, to be there all the time. But you did. And it didn't make the silence any easier to bear.

For the first time in a while, you could feel your face lightly heat up, your vision slightly blurring as your cheeks began to dampen. The tears came unexpectedly, and once they started, they didn't stop. You wiped at your face, embarrassed by the vulnerability that had come so suddenly. It was strange, how emotions could shift so quickly, how something so small could make you feel so fragile.

And somehow, you still found it in you to smile at the thought. Because even in the midst of the silence, you still cared. You still hoped. You still wished he'll be right beside you.

Just like that silent promise...