Shadow of Becoming

Just

Just in the middle, not too high,
Not too low, a steady sigh.
In the classroom, I strive and bend,
But the numbers never seem to ascend.

Am I lacking? Is it my fault?
Why do my efforts feel so small?
I question my worth, my very soul,
As mediocrity takes its toll.

Not quite a failure, not a win,
A space where the doubts begin.
I try, but it’s never enough,
And the journey always feels so rough.

I wonder if there's a deeper reason,
A flaw, a weakness in this season,
My heart and mind both seem to break,
As the feeling grows, oh! the ache.

I see others soar, take flight,
Their grades are perfect, shining bright.
While I linger in the murky space,
Of effort, but never quite the race.

I wonder, am I just too slow?
Or do I just lack the fire to truly glow?
Is this as good as it gets for me,
Or is there something I fail to see?

Is this enough, or am I doomed?
To linger in this self-made tomb?
Where questions swirl, and answers hide,
Where self-doubt takes me on a ride.

I wonder why I can’t break free,
From this trap that’s consuming me.
Not good enough, but not too bad,
This space feels like a constant fad.

Not eating to study, time slipping by,
The pressure mounts, I don’t know why.
What’s the use, if it all feels the same?
Why do I chase this elusive fame?

Is the effort worth the pain I feel?
When the rewards seem so unreal?
I try, but I wonder if it’s enough,
If the road is just too tough.

The world tells me effort counts the most,
But does it really, when I’m a ghost?
Wasting hours, burning the night,
But still feeling like I’m not quite right.

Is the result worth the endless grind,
When the finish line I cannot find?
Does hard work always lead to gold,
Or is this just a story told?

I ask myself, can I truly win,
When every step feels like a sin?
I wonder if the answer’s clear,
Or if it’s hidden by my fear.

What if I’m simply not enough,
No matter how I try, how tough?
And yet, I rise and move once more,
Chasing the dream I can't ignore.