𝐹𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑋𝑜𝑛𝑒

𝐿𝑉𝐼𝐼

112 was my opening act for some of the US shows. They invited me to go clubbing with them after the show. I told them I'd think about it.

"Why are you turning down 112?" Kelly asked.

Gil, Kelly, and Shawn followed me to my dressing room again. Shawn lounged on the couch. "Yeah, you go and invite all of us as your entourage," she whined.

"We'll have so much fun, you won't even think once about Mariah. You need a little fun, come on J," she sung, pulling my hand.

I couldn't help but smile. "Okay, fine."

I brought all of the kids with me that night.

That night, I joined 112 and the kids for a night out. We made our way to the club, the energy from the show still buzzing in the air. The music, the lights, the crowd, it was all a distraction, a temporary escape. I was surrounded by people, all of them excited, and I was doing my best to keep up, to laugh, to pretend that everything was fine.

Shawn was with me, of course, teasing and laughing with the others, but even her presence didn't ease the aching in my chest. She was fun, she was a good distraction, but when I looked around, I kept thinking of Mariah. I couldn't help it. She was always there in the back of my mind, even when I tried to push her out.

"Come on, J, relax!" Gil said, pulling me back into the moment, trying to get me to dance.

I forced a smile and let myself get caught up in the music, pretending like everything was okay. But it was like I was floating through the night, disconnected from it all.

The club lights flashed, and the beat pounded in my chest, but my mind kept drifting. Everyone around me was having fun, and I was happy for them. They deserved to let loose after all the hard work. But I couldn't shake the feeling that, despite the noise and the energy, I was still alone. Shawn's laughter, the music, even the crowd, none of it could replace what I had lost.

Maybe it was time to face it, time to stop pretending I could just move on. But for now, I let the night go on. I let myself be swept up in the chaos of it, just a little longer. I was tired of being sad, tired of pretending that I was okay when I wasn't. Maybe, just maybe, tonight could give me the space to breathe, even if it was only for a little while.

As the night went on, the music got louder and the drinks flowed more freely. Everyone was dancing, laughing, and just enjoying the freedom of the moment. I joined in, letting my body move to the rhythm of the music, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't help but wonder where Mariah was, what she was doing. Was she thinking about me? Did she miss me, like I missed her?

Shawn was beside me, always by my side, her hand on my shoulder or gently guiding me when I slowed down. She kept pulling me into the rhythm of the night, trying to get me to shake off the sadness, to lose myself in the fun. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't drown out the ache in my chest. I couldn't escape it.

"You're doing great!" she said, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the music. She was smiling, but I could tell she could see through my facade. She always could.

"I'm fine," I said, my smile forced. I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all her.

She raised an eyebrow but didn't push. Instead, she slid her arm around me, pulling me in for a quick dance, her energy infectious. It was as though she was trying to take away the weight of my thoughts, and for a moment, I allowed myself to be present.

But even as the music played, even as the lights flashed, my heart wasn't fully there. I was surrounded by people who cared for me, people who loved me, but there was still this emptiness inside, a place that only Mariah could fill. I didn't know if I could move on. Not yet. Maybe I wasn't ready to let go.