𝐹𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑋𝑜𝑛𝑒

𝐿𝑋𝐼𝐼𝐼

We continued holding each other in silence, the weight of everything unspoken hanging between us. Janet seemed lost in thought, her hands gently caressing my back as if unsure of what else to say, but I could feel the sincerity in her touch. I didn't know how to explain the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling, nor did she.

I pulled back slowly, wiping my eyes, my fingers trembling as I straightened out my dress. I couldn't stay like this. I had to regain some semblance of control, even though every part of me wanted to fall back into her arms and let go of the hurt that had built up for so long. But I couldn't. Not yet.

She reached out to touch my face, her hand moving slowly toward me as though she was afraid I'd pull away. And, almost reflexively, I slapped her hand away. The sting was sharp, not just in my palm but in my chest.

"Uh-huh," I said, shaking my head. "I haven't forgiven you yet. You still lied to me, Janet. You said you were sure you were coming out. You said you were ready. But you didn't. You didn't follow through."

I felt the tears come again, hot and frustrating, slipping down my face as my voice cracked with the weight of the years I'd spent carrying this. "You just let me walk out of your life without even fighting for me."

Her face softened with regret, her brows furrowing as she took a step toward me. "Mariah, I wasn't ready then. I wasn't. I was afraid of losing everything—the career, the life I built, all of it. But when I lost you... that's when I realized what I was really afraid of. I feared losing you more than anything. And now that I've lost you, I had to face my fears. I had to come out, for me, for us. I'll do whatever it takes, wait however long it takes for you to love me and trust me again."

I wanted to believe her. My heart ached with the truth in her words. "I love you, Janet. I still do. The love was never gone. I just—" I swallowed hard, unable to finish the sentence.

"I know," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry I put you through that, Mariah. I should've done better."

I looked away from her, my chest tight, as silence settled over us again. It felt heavy, the weight of the years, the hurt, the uncertainty. I didn't know how to bridge the gap between us, but I knew I couldn't keep running away from it. Not anymore.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching from behind Janet, and I could feel the presence of people moving in our direction. Two crew members in headsets appeared in the distance, their pace quickening as they neared us.

"Janet, Ms. Jackson!" the woman called out, her voice a sharp contrast to the calmness of the moment.

"Are you coming back?" the man asked, his eyes darting between Janet and me.

Janet turned her head to look at them, then back at me, her eyes searching mine as though she was torn between two worlds. For a moment, I could see the conflict in her eyes, the weight of her obligations versus the pull of her heart.

And then, she made a decision.

"No," she said, her voice firm, her gaze never leaving mine.

I blinked, stunned. She wasn't going back? Not to the stage, not to the event, not to the limelight that awaited her? People were tuning into the Essence Awards, on their TV's to watch people like her, like Tyra, not me, and yet... she was choosing to stay here with me.

The crew members looked confused, a bit flustered. I could see their frustration as they exchanged glances. But Janet stood her ground, her posture steady, as if the decision had already been made in her heart.

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Janet Jackson, the icon, the woman who commanded stages and commanded attention, was choosing me. It wasn't about the awards, the fame, or the glittering accolades. She was here, with me.