Please note this is a work in progress and will intermittently get updated.
1. My toothpaste is vintage pink
2. My aunt and uncle's pool is made of glitter epoxy. It shimmers beautifully in the sunshine and it's made of glitter. Did I mention it glitters?
3. Whenever my angel neighbour sees me, he always waves his boomer finger guns in my direction.
4. I've walked past the local farm dogs so often they don't bark at me anymore.
5. Coordinating the colours I'm wearing (my metallic silver trainers match my metallic silver nails today)
6. Swans do not see me as a threat. Not when I walk past them, not when I swim near their cygnets or nests. I put it to the test once and they hissed at my brother and instantly shut up when I stood in the same spot?? Humble brag.
7. Watching Ollie videos.
8. From last week henceforth, all local ducks have decided to conduct all duck business from the castle moat. There's like fifty of them there every morning.
9. Making Sam laugh.
10. My loved ones eating something I made, pausing their chewing after the first bite and giving me that wide-eyed oh shit this is good look.
11. Bus drivers waving at each other
12. Gudetama bandaids
13. When I say something that profoundly confuses/surprises/shocks Hes and Viet (Hes will instantly start laughing, Viet will squeeze her eyes shut, go "What?!" and then laugh as well).
14. The default greediness in Dutchmen when it comes to 'free' food.
15. Somebody glancing at my lips while I'm talking.
16. Gossiping (forgive me lord for I have sinned but when the tea is scORCHING I MUST CONSUME and CRUSH the porcelain cup against my forehead) ((especially great with Z & N)).
17. Snacks/drinks that are harder to come by and I only gorge myself on occassionally. Like mochi donuts, coconut taro boba, freshly-roasted chestnuts (from a paper bag), all flavours of Coconaut coconut water but especially the sparkling one, anything watermelon or grape flavoured, mango sticky rice, chestnut-red bean dorayaki, fresh onigiri......... (more to be added)
18. When my hair gets played with.
19. My crème brûlée torch that I use for everything
20. The video of me scream-sobbing two hours after breaking and dislocating my ankle— not due to the prospect of surgery or being immobile for months, and not because I had to cancel my flight to Australia and thus forego seeing my brother for another half a year— but because it meant I wouldn't be able to swim with sharks.
21. Seeing Sifan Hassan on TV.
22. The list I made of things that made me happy when I was 14, which included bulletpoints like: confusing people, Susurrus (?), heated make-out sessions against brick walls, when the dumb cunt dies in a horror movie, women shooting guns, redamancy (like ok calm down edgelord), veiny arms, seeing pregnant women rub their belly, blood (classic), sleepless eyes (???), the combination of bonfires and marshmallows, bug families (idk what that means but I support her), dirty boys with smirks and cracked lips (this one kills me).
23. The FB messenger notification sound.
24. Cooking recipes I always FINESS, like: Soto Ayam, Shakshuka, Tamagoyaki Don, Sushi Salad, Secret Recipe Pancakes, Veggie Tempura Don with Soy Braised Quail eggs. Beetroot-pear-goat's cheese tarte flambée. Grilled peach and burrata Salad. Matcha white chocolate chip cookies. White chocolate caramelised banana bread. Kimchi fried rice with spam (blowtorched cheddar, sesame oil, roasted sesame seeds, spring onion, sunny side-up eggs and shredded roasted seaweed) and hare lasagna.
25. Making charts, writing lists, sorting things into categories, organising stuff into a certain order, etc.
26. Laying in bed and being able to see the moon out of my window.
27. Those initial minutes of pain after immersing myself in cold water.
28. Hearing bagpipes in a song. Just instant excitement.
29. When someone comments on how long my hair is.
30. Finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, analysing, contemplating.
31. Smelling good (and receiving compliments about smelling good).
32.
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Blood Orange Periphery
PoetryMy suicide had been two years in the making when I decided not to follow through at the last minute. Over the past decade, I've written poems, books, short stories, fanfiction and hundreds of thousands of words, but nothing felt complete. This coll...
