Impossible Admiration

Heart vs. Brain

My brain says no, you have to let go, my heart says stay, don't every go away, don't leave me crying in this mess you've made.

I know my brain very well, she is a soldier brave with a tough shell, facing circumstances, decisions, on a day to day basis, calculating risks, rewards, remembering far too familiar faces. She's been through a lot, from day one she's fought, knowing very well she can't lose, that is her very thought.

But my heart, I pity, she's drawn to stupidity, swayed by kind words, gestures that show humility. She's kind, too soft, knows nothing of the dangers my brain has solely fought. But when she falls, she falls hard, and when she does it hurts hard, she's soft and weak, braver than my brain, she could tell you things my brain could not speak. She's not afraid to cry, she's not afraid to stumble, you could treat her like paper, destroyed all crumpled, but she fights, not in the way my brain does but I know she does she'll still, because I would not be standing here if not for her will.

So how could my heart forget? No matter what my brain tells it, there's still some regret. It goes here I lay it on this table every bad deed he meant, all the facts, and paved evidence, how time was wasted and time spent but wait, my heart tells her, she brings her file all the memories stored in a box labeled "all worthwhile, she recalls those sleepless nights, talking to him till 3, as she couldn't imagine anyone, no one but he. She clearly remembers his voice, how she forgot every guy she ever liked, because of how his heart spoke to her in the middle of that quiet night, through songs, and laughter, discussions meant for lovers.

With him she felt at home, safe and unbothered, but here goes a saying for those whom the heart showed, the heart is deceitful above all those who know, it makes you believe things that aren't all true, it blinds you with the good, as the red flags sweep past you. And in that moment, where she aches and falls, your brain fights constantly, saving you from it all, the one unappreciated, moved to the side, because in the end it's your brain telling you to survive.