Rekindled Devotion (Completed)

Sixteen

Cairo

My eyes travel over Jai's face for like the hundredth time in just a few moments. I've been up for a minute, just watching her, admiring her. Late last night....was so overwhelming to be honest. Jai was raped. It's all I have thought about ever since she told me. It aches my heart every single time I think about. To know that Jai was taken advantage of in the most personal way...breaks my heart. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that happened to her. It's sick. That man was so sick for doing that to Jai and his other victims. No woman deserves that. I delicately rub Jai's left cheek as my eyes bounce over her face. I sigh lowly to myself. I hate that Jai went through so much and I was just left in the dark about it all. She has always been so guarded and I know understand that it had a lot to due with what she has been through. But it hurts me that she didn't tell me. I'm not upset, just sad I couldn't be there for her. I knew something was off with her and I asked over and over and over, but she could never tell me. I just wish I would have known about it so I could have been completely supportive. I hate she had to go through that alone.

My mind travels to our conversation about the miscarriage as well. Now that....that is really a tough subject for me. I just automatically get sad when I think about it. Jai miscarried in a bathroom all alone. Then she laid on the floor and cried. That image haunts me. Just imagining Jai like that brings tears to my eyes every time. This woman is the love of my life so to know that she dealt with that all alone it hurts. I'm so hurt for Jai. My baby. My heart. I bite my bottom lip as tears fill my eyes. I scoot closer to Jai and I rest my forehead against hers.

"I'm so sorry Jai. Sorry I was not there for you at your lowest moments. But baby you're strong. You always have been. I've always admired that about you. And now I'm here. I'm here and I'm not leaving you ever again," I whispered. Jai stirs a bit and I rest my right hand on the back of her neck. I watch as her eyes slowly flutter open and adjust to the sunlight shining in the room. She groans lowly before her eyes focus on me. I smile softly and kiss her nose.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hi," Jai whispered.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah you?"

"I'm alright."

"....I know last night was a lot. Tell me how you're feeling," Jai asked while rubbing my cheek softly.

"....It was overwhelming to hear you tell me what happened to you. To be honest I feel sick because I was not there for you Jai."

"Cairo..you cannot say that when I pushed you away. I know I pushed you away. And that's on me. It's not on you ok?"

"Jai....I just feel so bad. I'm hurt. I really am. You were raped and that is the vilest thing a man could do to you. I looked at you every day after that happened not knowing you were in so much pain."

"Cairo...baby please. Do not blame yourself for any of this. I didn't want you to know. I....was beyond ashamed. I love you so much Cairo and I did not know how to face you and tell you that awful, disgusting experience happened to me. I really thought you would want nothing to do with me. I thought you would be disgusted with me, but thinking back I know that would not have been the case. You are not that person. I know you would have done everything to console me and make me feel safe again. And you did that honestly Cairo. Without knowing you did that. I know I was apprehensive but once I learned to trust you, I felt better about myself, I felt safe. I loved how safe I always felt with you and still feel with you. That's a feeling only you can give me Cairo," Jai said honestly. I just sigh as I nod my head. I turn a bit more on my side and Jai smiles as she turns on her side.

"....I'm sorry about all you have been through Jai. I really am. I feel like I can't say that enough. And I have to be honest with you," I said through a sigh.