Forbidden Fruit •Timothee Chalamet (Stepbrother)

63. Bump in the road

"It's for the best."

Is what I keep catching myself saying. Even though I don't believe it. I haven't believed it even for a single moment since I left Paris with Jacob.

Despite everything that's happened. The lies and the betrayal, I still cant bring myself to hate Timothée. The love I feel for him still lingers, it's both comforting and tormenting. The betrayal should have rid any feelings I had for him, but instead it just made more attached to the memory of him. The need to be with him is annoying and persistent and refuses to die down.

I resent Timothée for holding my heart hostage, even when he's not around. I'm infuriated that even now.. a part of me clings on to these feelings and refuses to let go despite all of the hurt he caused me.

I hate him for making me feel this way. I hate myself for still loving him deep down.

Months have passed since I left, and I did my best to erase any trace of myself. New number. Vanishing without a trial left behind. I don't want him to find me. And yet, a part of me yearns to know if he's tried. I try to push those thoughts away, but they stubbornly stand their ground.

I sit on the couch surrounded by a stack of papers, when the door opens. "Mia! I picked up dinner!" Jacob carries a take- out bag in his hands, and I can hear his footsteps as moves closer to the couch.

I was trying to distract myself by working, a feeble attempt to keep my mind from wandering to Timothée.

"Thanks." I smile, setting aside my work momentarily  "You're a lifesaver.I was starting to get hangry." I pat the spot beside me on the couch.

Timothée's presence is like a ghost that refuses to disappear. Even when I shower, the matching tattoo on my body stares back at me in the mirror, making my stomach twist. Then my eyes always wander to his name that's branded on my body. A permanent mark and a constant reminder of of the love that we once shared, and a visible scar that makes me remember how he ruined everything.

He did something that I can't escape, no matter how hard I try.

I find myself gently touching the brand on my thigh from time to time and the memories flood back. It's like no matter what he owns me, even when I'm not around him. A constant taunt.

"Want to rent a movie?" Jacob asks, leaning his body against the couch.

"Sure. Let's do it." I nod, my response short and distracted as I start plate the tacos he got us.

This routine between Jacob and I feels oddly comforting. I've grown accustomed to having Jacob around, his presence has been the only thing to keep me sane recently. After that night when everything was revealed about Timothée and Elle, Jacob and I left without a plan. We fled straight to Greece on a limb, jumping from hotel to hotel, and sort of embracing the sense of isolation.

We had one big thing in common..heartache.

Eventually the reality caught up to us, and we realized we couldn't keep running. The truth was, that Jacob had to keep working for Timothée's father. He couldn't escape all their business entanglements and Jacob's role in the cult was already solidified. But somehow he manages to dodge any encounters with Elle and Timothée, only having private meetings in venues with Tom's colleagues..and given the circumstances, Tom has been understanding about the way Jacob arranges things.

Meanwhile, I went back to teaching..trying to bring some type of normalcy back into my life and to fill the void that Timothée created by his absence.

Jacob and I spent so many nights talking when we were away, and during on our late night conversations in Greece. We made a decision. We would become roommates. The idea of being alone was scary to me, and it was for him too. So we leased an apartment in New Jersey, far away from the city life I once knew and the life that Timothée and I once shared. It was a deliberate move to create a distance between us and to make it hard for Timothée to find me again.