Magnet Love

12. Birthday Blues

LILY POV:
I couldn't believe he's kissed me - no, I can't believe that I let him! The normal Lily would never have allowed that to happen, but Alex just, well he made me feel brave. I wanted him to kiss me, I'm just scared of what that will mean now, what if it didn't mean anything to him? He was experienced with things like that, maybe he was just being friendly?

That was my first proper kiss, I mean I haven't ever had a boyfriend! I'd had a bad enough experience to ware me off boyfriends last summer. I was out with Maddie at a party she had dragged me to, where some disgustingly drunk guy cornered me and tried to grope me. It was awful, and although I was fortunate enough to escape his grasp before he got too far, the experience as a whole terrified me and I just avoided the male race for a while after that.

Alex didn't seem like someone to be afraid of however, but I did get the impression that I only knew one side of him. He has been nothing but a gentleman to me, but the way he drew away when I asked about his family proved that he wasn't used to trusting people, and maybe that was because he had something to hide. Or maybe I was just overthinking again - as per usual.

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The next couple of days at school were primarily uneventful. Alex, Ben, Aaron, Max and Blake had managed to land themselves into a week of lunchtime detentions, something to do with kicking down a toilet cubicle door - although their take on the story was totally innocent, the smashed up door spoke otherwise.

That meant that I had barely seen Alex in person since our 'date'. We had text each other lots, every night actually and we were definitely getting closer. He was hilarious and his witty, sarcastic humour often left me in a fit of giggles and ensured that all of our conversations make me smile. I just hoped that he was enjoying my 'text company' as much as I was his - considering that he always text me first would suggest that anyway.

But today was Friday, what would have been Emily's 21st birthday. I had only just woken up with the sun blazing through my curtains. "Happy birthday Em" I whispered, hoping that wherever she was, she could hear me.

I got up, showered, did my makeup and raked my fingers through my gently curled hair, twisting and pinning the sides away from my face. I wore a white long sleeved shirt with a Peter Pan collar, decorated with black raindrops, a black skater skirt and my white converse.

My phone buzzed with a message from Maddie.

From: Maddie A
Thinking of you today chick, hope to see you at school - Em would kick your ass if she thought you were skiving ;) Seriously though, don't spend today alone, we can support you Lil. Love you babe xx

I smiled, she was a great friend and I was lucky that she had stuck by me for so long, I couldn't imagine my life without her. I agreed with her also, I didn't want to spend today alone. Dad was off work but Mason's class were going on a trip and he was accompanying them, meaning that if I didn't go to school, I would simply sob the day away on my own - and Maddie was right, Emily would hate that.

I joined my family downstairs as we lit a candle in a stack of pancakes for Emily and sang happy birthday to her. Mason was quite fond of the idea of having an angel sister, of course he didn't understand that it meant she was dead. Amelia couldn't remember Emily too well, but enough to know what had happened and to mourn her death with the rest of us today.

Just as I grabbed my black leather rucksack to leave, my Mom approached and engulfed me in a hug. "It's okay to be sad today Lil. The school know and you have permission to leave at any time today if it gets too much. I know I'm working but you can always call if you need me" she hushed, kissing me on the head before I left and walked my way to school.

Come on Lil, stick with it. I was mentally giving myself this pep talk all morning, trying to focus on whatever my teachers were saying, but failing miserably. By third period, I honestly didn't think I would be able to take it much longer. Everything was making me think of Emily - how happy she would have been today and our plans to celebrate at the beach later. It was breaking me and by the lunch time bell I knew I had to leave.

"I'm sorry Mads but I can't, I - I - I'm going" I choked as I collected my things from my locker and started to walk towards the entrance to sign out and leave.
"I can come? Lily I don't want you to be alone" she called, chasing after me with concern laced across her features.
"No, I'm fine. I think I'll go to the studio. I'll text you tonight okay?" I replied, trying to reassure her and ensure that she wouldn't ditch her classes when there was no need.

"Only if your sure. Look after yourself Lil" she whispered, hugging me before leaving me to walk out. As much as I hadn't actually thought about it before, going to the studio was actually a good idea. Dance was my haven and I would be able to express my feelings in a much healthier way than just crying myself sick home alone.

I hopped on a bus into town and checked my phone, texting Mom to let her know where I was just incase she rang the school to check up on me. Whilst texting her however, I received a text from Alex.

From: Alex the saviour :)
Maddie just said that you'd left, didn't say why though, but said not to ask. You know you can talk to me about whatever Lil, I'm here if you need me - always x

I didn't feel the need to reply with anything but a simple 'x', showing that I appreciated his message but right now, didn't want to talk about it. He was thoughtful that way, like Eleanor for example, I loved her as a friend but she wouldn't let something like this go until I confessed what was wrong. Times like now I just need to know that there is someone I can rely on if I want to talk; Alex was providing just that.