Random Thoughts

EMPTY PROMISES.

mm yea this is from my super top secret book thingy too :3

'I'll be there this time.'

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'We'll do something next weekend, I promise.'

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'You know I'm proud of you, right?'

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I was always just a burden to you, wasn't I? I was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be made. I wasn't supposed to live.

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Your words make up sentences, and those sentences make up promises, empty promises.

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You know, I used to make excuses.

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'He's busy.'

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'He forgot.'

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By then, I stopped hoping you would come.

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It wasn't the disappointment that hurt, or even the times when you didn't bother to show up. It was waiting. Sitting outside the door in the cold, wearing a pretty dress... for no one. Watching the sun change colours in the distance. Telling myself, 'He's just running late.'

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As always.

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You've always taught me to be patient. I have been patient. But oh god, it almost feels like punishment after more than a decade.

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I've stopped sitting outside in the cold, watching the sun change colours.

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I've stopped wearing dresses.

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Now I know; your promises are so very hollow, so very empty. Your words that make up sentences and promises are only trying to convince yourself that you tried; you tried to be a . You tried to see me.

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I wonder if you remember the promises you've broken. I wonder if you still think about me after all this time, the way I think about you.

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Maybe you don't remember them at all.

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I used to daydream about the day you'd show up and say 'I'm sorry'. I hoped that you would care enough about me to notice why I am the way I am.

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But dreams are another type of promise, aren't they?

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Some people tell me I have trust issues. How do I explain to them that I learnt it all from someone who never showed up?

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Expect less, want less, hope less.

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So, I suppose that's why I'm still here. There's a small part of me that still hopes for you to suddenly turn around and remember me.

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It's pathetic, I know. But you promised me so much - places we've never been, memories we've never made.

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And I'll wait. Not forever. One day, I'll stop.

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Just... not today.