Random Thoughts

16

Have you ever felt lonely before?

It feels like this:

iknoweveryonesecretlyhatesmeyoucantellbythewaytheirconversationsstopassoonastheywalkpastmeitsactuallyreallyfunnyifyouthinkaboutitbecausetheythinkicanttellthatiknowthattheyhatemebutthetruthisidosokeepthisinmindnexttimewhenyougossipbecausethevictimwillalwaysknowandyourehereintheroombutyourenothereatthesametimeyourejustdriftingpassingthetimeitsacalmingyetsuffocatingexperiencesomethingyoudontwanttofeelitsthefeelingofbeingforgottenitsthefeelingofnotbeinggoodenoughihavetobegoodenoughbutimnotsohereiambymyselfnearthebackinthecornerofaroomwritingthisuselesspieceofwritingandhereiaminmyfullshamefultrueformsuchapitysuchadisappointmentandiguessthatsallireallyamadisappointmentbutifyouthinkaboutiteveryonesadisappointmentbecausenooneisperfectbutthenagainpeoplehavedifferentstandardssotechnicallytheymightbecountedasperfecttotheirstandardsbutwhatifyouhaveextremelyhighstandardswhatifyourealittlementallyinsaneandyouresmilingasyourewritingthisforsomereasonwhichiswhyeveryonehatesyoubecauseyourealittlementallydisturbingbutyoucantevenopenyourmouthtotellthemtheyrewrongbecauseyouvesomehowconvincedyourselfthatyoucanttalkunderanycircumstancesbecauseyourenotworthyoftalkingintheclassroomandyourewonderingwhenisittimeforrecessimsohungrybutimnotaskingtheteacherbecauseimnotgoingtotalkinanyclassandnowitsthreehoursafterschoolandivebeensittinginthecornerofmyhousedoingnothingfortwoandahalfhoursandcountingbecauseijustsufferedthetypicalvcelectureaboutlifeandtheywereyellingatmebecauseididntwanttosignupforsportsbecauseidontwanttodoswimmingortennisbutihavetodooneofthembutanywaytheytookawaymydeviceswhichiswhyimwritingthispartonpaperithinkiwillcopythisontomycomputertomorrowmorningifigetitbackwhichiprobablywontohandeveryoneinthehouseisignoringmebecausetheytoldmetheyweregoingtosendmetoapublicschoolandpeopledontcareaboutpublicschoolchildrensoimgettingignoredhonestlyitsnotthatbadimjustwritinganddrawingingthecornerofthehouseiguessitsoneoftheperksofbeingsuperintrovertedthatyourefineprocrastinatingthedayawayohwaitnevermindthatsasymptomofbeingaperfectionistwaitisitbutimnotaperfectionistimjustsomeonewhoseemslikeaperfectionistrighthopefullywellanywayitsgettingclosetothreehoursofjustsittinghereandimgettingalittleboredsoletsdrawapicturehmmhowwouldiuploaditthoughifionlyhadmycomputertomorrowwhateverthatsafuturemeproblempikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaokayifinishedthepictureitssoprettyilluploaditwiththishugeparagraphtomorrowitsninepmnowandikindofwanttosleepimsoboredddddddddwaitwhydoifeelsomewhathappyimliterallygettingignoredandbothofmyhandsarestartingtocrampfromwritingthismuchinsuchashorttimeperiodohdayumithinktheressomethingwrongwithme...

A hundred thoughts at once, you want to share it with someone, but there's no one here willing to listen. A million thoughts later, you're still here, sitting in the corner, alone as always. Oh well, at least you have some company.

Lil old me. :3