Everything's Changed. Harry Styles.

29

Now

Harper

I almost forgot Harry's birthday.

Well, that's a lie. I would never forget his birthday.

But I'm so used to ignoring it, pretending it doesn't exist, that I forgot Harry was back in my life and that meant I could remember it. Even though I'm still unsure of how I feel about Harry being back. But either way, he's here, and I can't just ignore the fact that it's his birthday.

That would be rude.

But what is an appropriate thing for me to do?

Take him to dinner? No, that would be weird. Too much like a date.

Buy him a gift? I don't know, would that be too much? What would I even get him? What if his tastes have changed over the last five years?

I groaned out loud, turning over in bed.

David is out of town for work, and I've been alone in our bed, wracking my brain all night on what to do.

Do I just text him? Call him?

This is so stupid. Why am I even worried about this? I didn't ask him to come back. I was content ignoring his birthday for five years. And now... now I don't even know how to feel about it.

I've been awake all night, in an annoying and harmful cycle of thoughts. First, I think of Harry and then I would beat myself up for thinking about him in the bed I share with my fiancé. After yelling at myself I would close my eyes and try to sleep, but then an image of Harry would flash behind my eyes.

I angrily grabbed my phone, seeing it was almost five in the morning. I threw the blanket off me, deciding to go for a shower and get ready seeing as I won't be getting any sleep. I'll just stop and get a coffee since I'm up earlier than usual.

I stomped to the bathroom, turning on the shower and stripping, not even waiting for the water to heat up. I shivered as the cold water hit my back, relaxing as it slowly turned warm and then hot.

I went to reach for my soap, the soap I've been using for years. The soap Harry once told me he loved.

I felt angry tears well in my eyes, frustration pulling at my stomach, burning me from the top down.

The first few months after we broke up, I wouldn't touch anything that reminded me of him, and then I couldn't get enough of the things that screamed him and I, trying to bring him back into my life as much as I could. And then slowly I just got used to everything around me, it didn't bother me as much. I never got rid of those things. They became a fixture in my life, much like this soap.

So why now, why now, is it bothering me so much?

I snatched the bottle, flipping the top, the familiar scent of strawberries and vanilla filling the room.

Ever since Harry has been back, I've been so frustrated, and anxious, angry even. I spent so much time mourning the loss of my best friend, and the love of my life, and then I spent the better part of a year getting over him. Pushing all things Harry Styles to the back of my mind, ignoring all the feelings surrounding the idea and feeling of him.

I had to, there was no other way around it. Because he was so popular, still is, I would see reminders of him everywhere. I'd hear him on the radio, see interviews and magazines with him on it, hear people talking about him, he was everywhere. Until I convinced myself I was fine, and he was nothing to me, I would break down at every reminder of him, no matter how small.