Bound by grace

13| Funeral

Delilah POV
I watched as James's casket was being buried.
"It's for a reason this happened," I mumbled, trying my best not to cry as hard as I did earlier.

Most people from our university came. His family didn't bother to show up. He had us—we were family. His real family. He had God, and that was enough for him. But he's gone now.

Gone forever.

Who am I going to talk to about my struggles and my walk with Christ?
Who's going to tell me silly jokes?
Who am I going to go to class with? Celebrate with?

My beloved friend, James.
It was engraved on his casket.

I could tell that everyone loved James as I did—how cheerful and sweet he was.

He meant too much to me for him to leave so soon. He was too young to die.

He was like the younger brother I never had, even though he acted as if he were older than me.

After the sermon, my friends and I gathered together in Lucas's room.
I cried. If I had to count how many tears I shed, it would have taken at least a year.

Lucas embraced me in a hug, trying to calm me down.

"Delilah, take care. I will cover you in my prayers," Carlos said, rubbing my shoulder gently before leaving with Maddy.

She, too, was grieving for him, even though she didn't shed tears as I did. She was hurt too. Everyone was grieving the death of our friend.

It was one of the most terrifying moments I have ever had in my life.

After calming myself down, Lucas offered me a cup of tea since it was early in the morning. We were on his small couch that could fit at least two people.

He told me he bought it at the cheapest shop he could find. He wrapped me in a blanket as I drank my tea.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked me, his arms around my shoulder.

I shook my head, not wanting to dwell on it too much longer because it would do us no good in my view.

I leaned on his chest as he gently rubbed my shoulder to comfort me.

Suddenly, sleep took over me.

⸻

I woke up feeling like I was punched in the head. Lucas's head was on top of mine, sleeping.

He was taller than me, so it made sense. I decided to move a little away from him, but his head leaned against my shoulder.

He slept peacefully, like nothing was bothering him. His nose was red from crying a few hours ago. His eyelashes were long enough.

Wasn't fair for me as a woman. His messy hair reached his forehead.

I'm pretty sure he hasn't washed his hair since last week. He mostly asks me to blow dry his hair after he washes it on a Sunday morning before church.

He knows how to do it, but he just asks me—which I've been questioning a lot recently.

I love his curly hair, but he prefers it blow-dried because he doesn't like his hair wet.

A smile curved on my lips as I watched him sleep. Then I realized I was being a creep.

His facial features looked different while he was asleep.

His eyes opened slowly, which made me sit up and distance myself from him before he noticed I was being a creep.

"Sorry I fell asleep," he apologized as he got up from the couch, stretching his arm out.

"It's fine. We needed some rest," I reassured him, fixing my frizzy curly hair that I didn't bother to comb before the funeral.

"Food?" he asked, looking around for something I didn't quite know.
"Yes. Food will be good," I smiled softly.

After the long nap, I felt somehow physically better and mentally more stable than before.

I spent the whole night crying my eyes out and constantly praying to God to heal my pain.

Maybe this is what God's will is.
Maybe God wanted us to learn a lesson or take James away since he was suffering in silence. Maybe God knew that he couldn't handle it anymore.

I was still grieving, but not as much as before, because I came to understand that everything happens for a reason and that everyone dies.

Lucas and I went downtown to eat some food. I invited our friends, but they refused, and I didn't get offended by it.

I understood—they needed space after everything that had happened to us.

They were still grieving. I was too. It was best that they decided to rest.

"James would have loved this burger," I mumbled, smiling softly, sipping my Sprite and looking toward Lucas, who was already smiling down at me.

He was smiling—but it wasn't his true, happy smile that made his dimples pop out and his braces show.

No, it was a smile that made his eyes darken. A smile that was forced to be seen rather than naturally appear.

It was a smile of grief. A smile that knew everything was going to be alright despite the pain hidden on the inside.

"Indeed. What plans do you have this weekend?" he asked, wanting to change the topic, which I definitely understood.

"Stay home," I shrugged, leaning back on my booth.
"Come with me for a run," he suggested, a smirk on his face. Not usual of him, but I refused.

Maybe the walk would do me good.
"Good. At 5 a.m.," he said. I nodded and finished my food, my belly full enough to say I was weeks pregnant.

⸻

"I made cookies and ice cream for you guys," Mrs. Anderson said as she placed them on the table.

"Oh, cookies!" Aaron tried to sneak one, but Mrs. Anderson caught him and hit his arm.
"These are for them. Go upstairs," she said.

Aaron, in return, mumbled and grabbed a box of milk, drinking it like it was nothing.

"Hope you enjoy it, sweetheart. It's hard to lose a loved one, especially so young. I will keep both of you in my prayers."
She rested her arm around my shoulders and hugged me lightly.

I wanted to break down so badly, but Lucas stepped in.

"Mama, it's okay. Give her space," Lucas said gently to his mother, and she left.
"Thank you. I would have melted down," I whispered.

"You're welcome."

I saw the cookies and ice cream on the table, but I couldn't bear to eat them.

I couldn't.
I just couldn't.