Nadine's Stuck.

EIGHTEEN

Nadine's POV:

I sit on my bed. Cade is asleep. I wonder what he would say if I told him that in two weeks I'd be dead.

Elana and Akiko came over a few days ago. Noah, Kai, and Cade thought that'd it be good for us to connect, or something. Maybe troubled kids are supposed to connect easily? That's what they show in those movies, the 'bad kids' get shipped off to boarding schools and find some misfit friend group to cause mischief with. My dream of finding my own misfit friend group in boarding school - high school - didn't work out.

To no one's surprise, I did not talk to Elana or Akiko during this hang-out. I don't like them. And they don't like me. There's no point in talking to them If we don't like each other, right?

I'd rather just be alone these days, right?

I don't need or want friends anymore. It's two weeks.

I think the hang-out was Cade's idea. He tries to push me into these situations that I don't want to be in. 

Elana talked about Riley's Valentine's Day party the whole time. I'm glad that I'm not going. Who knows what could happen this time, now that Riley has told Cade and probably other guys, maybe Kai and Noah. They could team up on me. Cade could make me regress because even though I don't trust him, I feel so vulnerable in both the best and worst when I'm with him. I need him, in a weird way. Kai and Noah could hold me down, and Riley could...

I hug Zara tightly, holding her to my chest. Zara will miss me a lot when I die, I'm sure. Maybe I'll give her some of Cade's drugs too, and we can die together. We can have lots of fun in heaven if it's as great as people make it out to be.

I fall flat on my back, tilting my head over to Cade's bed. His still coffee-stained shirt from when we first met is haphazardly thrown over the headboard. Cade is the most organized messy person I know. Sometimes, when I stay up at night I catch him re-organizing the things at his desk.

I watch him sleep, his chest moving up and down slowly with each peaceful breath he takes. I am jealous.

When I was younger I used to hear people pose the question: what would you do if you knew you only had one day left to live? I never knew how to answer that question, because how would you know? Death doesn't send an alert to your phone saying, "Hey, I'm coming after you tomorrow!", it just comes.

If death sent an alert life would be scarier. More crimes would be committed, I think. The guys in my elementary school would answer with something like "rob a bank," because there'll be no consequences because you'll be dead.

That's unrealistic.

There will be consequences.

Your actions affect people.

The people who work at the bank, the people who need loans, and the people who put their trust in that bank. The bank itself.

You control robbing the bank and the actions that come after, you don't control the death part.

Until you do. Until death is robbing the bank. Death is my robbing the bank. The consequences affect my mom, and a few other people, maybe for the better. But I know the consequences. I accept them.

Turning my head away from Cade, I look back up at the ceiling. My eyes like the ceiling and hate it at the same time.

I blink and breathe, reminding myself that I am human, with a body, and not a floating head that just observes. Records.

I realized long ago that my existence in this world does not matter. There are so many other people. So many better people. Prettier, smarter, more athletic people.

Being Smart is too hard.

I am not athletic at all.

Nor am I pretty.

I am a drone that records everyone else and displays the films like my own.

I dress in lies, in anxiety and insecurity

Who am I?

Nadine Rosewood.

What would you do if you had two weeks to live, Nadine Rosewood?

Be yourself for a few hours, maybe.

That's a good idea, Nadine, to be yourself.

My fingers pet Zara's soft, fake fur and I'll let myself let go for just one more time, the last time. I would prefer if I could do this when Cade isn't here at all, but he is very committed to being my senior, and he seems to not like to let me be by my fucking self. I'm always with him or his friends - or their Freshman - it's exhausting. 

I let myself regress.

. . .

[In case you didn't know, my phone broke, which is why I have not been updating. I'm using my computer to write this right now. A computer seems like it's easier to write with, but I weirdly prefer to write Nadine's Stuck. on my phone, and all my other ones on my computer? Also, since my phone broke, I have lost my KeepingKeroppi account. I have a new account, though: 

MellowingMelody

I'm working on one project there (Leave Me In Pieces), which is a sapphic romance (LGBTQ+). I also plan on continuing In His Eyes on that account, but I won't be until a while because I don't have much motivation for it, lol. 

Before I give you guys the blurb of Leave Me In Pieces, here is the word count of this chapter: 903]

Leave Me in Pieces Blurb:

Sixteen-year-old Aurora Milian is perfect. She has the perfect boyfriend, the perfect family, and the perfect body. She has everything she could ever ask for and more. But there is an unsettled demon chipping away at her soul.

She is a secret.

Everyone knows Red Winters. A bad girl - the worst kisser - the girl who conceals her scars with the leather - a cutter. Red is a lesbian, which seems to be the worst thing a girl can be at Hallaway High.

Can two broken pieces of different frames truly find solace in one another or will the universe keep them from fitting together?

[End]

[Leave Me In Pieces features my usual sad tear-jerking themes. It has longer chapters and I believe shows off my writing a bit more. Please check it out if you want to see more work from me! As of writing this, it has four parts and two chapters out on my second account (Wattpad is glitching and not letting me @ my second account, so just go to my bio, it's there!).]

[Also, I would just like to clear this up, as I'm not sure if it's getting through very well: Yes, Nadine was raped by Riley. Nadine is fourteen with severe social anxiety. She is FOURTEEN. A young teenage girl. She is very traumatized, and her thinking is NOT healthy. Again, she is FOURTEEN, she is going to make bad decisions as a result of everything happening to her at these young ages. Even if she wasn't traumatized, fourteen-year-olds are going to make stupid mistakes. These events are shaping her life. If you are struggling in a similar way that Nadine is PLEASE reach out for help. You can message me on Pinterest (MaiMelri) if needed. Please, please, please. You are all beautiful and amazing. Eat well. Sending lots of love! Soo sorry for not updating sooner!!! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆]