Nadine's Stuck.

SIXTEEN

Nadine's POV:

Why the fuck is Riley here?

I follow behind Cade as we walk into the store. He said that it was only going to be him and Kai. He lied. I guess I shouldn't expect anything more from Cade. He is a liar.

My current self-rules are:
1. Stay away from the toy and baby aisle.
2. Stay a safe distance away from Cade, Kai, and Riley. Walk behind them so they can't pull you back.

Their words blur into nothingness. I don't care what they're saying. I keep my hands behind my back, my sleeves covering my finger as my nail digs into my wrist.

I've never truly wanted to die until now. My mom was holding me back before, but now I don't live with her. I don't think about her as often. She wouldn't find my body - it would be Cade. Maybe then he can see what the twisted games he plays with Riley (Kai and Noah) can result in.

I am going to kill myself.

I am going to pick a date and do it.

I am going to steal Cade's drugs and overdose.

"Rosewood," Cade interrupts my thoughts, "What's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

"What?" My eyebrows knit together. I barley have time to process the question.

"Ice cream," Riley says. We make eye contact. Something inside me hurts really bad. Emotionally. There's a pit in my stomach and I want to cry. His voice, his fucking voice, and his face. I don't want to be here. Not at all.

"Oh." I look around the refrigerated aisle, different flavors of ice cream waiting to be eaten. "Um...chocolate," I stammer, lying as I try to figure out why he's asking me. There has to be a reason, right?

"Basic," Kai says. "Very basic. I like mint choco."

I do too.

"It tastes like toothpaste." Riley states, as if he could read my inner monologue, saying that just to annoy me. He opens the fridge and grabs a small tub of chocolate ice cream that I could easily eat in one sitting. "For Nadia."

I debate ignoring him, it doesn't even seem like he's talking to me. My mind - my words - my self - doesn't belong to me. I feel like I'm watching myself from an outside perspective.

Normal, Nadine, normal.

Don't let them see you fidgeting with your skirt. Don't let them see that you know how they talk about you. Your skinny body.

Anorexic.

That's why he's getting my ice cream. For me to eat. To gain weight. No matter how hard I try I can't. I want to, badly. I wonder what Akiko and Elana would say if they were here. They'd probably be in the background, bickering over some other ice cream flavor.

"Thank you," I nod. Normal; polite.

Riley hums.

The group continues to move around the store, picking up whatever they need. I stay behind, sometimes too far because Cade slows his pace so we can be closer to each other, which I don't like at all. He's already heard the stories from Riley, why does he need to experience it first-hand?

The store lights are bright. I have a headache.

We walk down the aisle of Valentine's Day decoration. Valentine's Day is in how long? Three weeks? That'll be my date. Killing myself on Valentines Day is sort of poetic, in a messed up way.

Cade flicks his hand in a quick goodbye. Riley and Kai walk off.

"Where are they going?" I want to know but I have to force the words out of my mouth.

"Alcohol," he answers, "do you still need those girl things?"

"No," I pull at my skirt the same way I did before we left the dorm. I thought he quit when I chose to wear a skirt. I thought he wasn't a liar. I thought that it was only going to be him, me, and Kai.

Skirts are dangerous.

Cade studies my face before nodding in the same slow way he always does when he is "worried" about me.

"Why didn't we go with them?"

"I don't really like to be around that shit since...you know."

I nod but I don't know because he lied and he's lying to me. He never quit. My suicide weapon is proof of that.

"Are you okay?" He asks. How many times is he going to ask me that question? Same voice, same way.

Are you okay?

You okay?

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

"Okay. I'm okay."

"Tell me if you're not." He knows I'm lying, and I hate that he does.

I hate that part of me, over the consuming other part telling me the truth - that I can't trust him, wants to tell him I'm not. The part from when we first met, the part from Dalia's Diner that wanted to let the words spill out is still here.

"Mhm," I respond.

"You should talk more."

I might move the date up.

I don't answer.

"Sorry," he says when he realised it wasn't the best thing to say. "I just think more people would benefit from hearing your voice. What you have to say."

. . .

We go to Dalia's Diner after the store. Akiko, Elana, and Noah are there. I'm guessing Noah drove them.

I sit in between Cade and Akiko. Cade is on my right, Akiko, left. Even though I do not like Akiko or Elana very much, it's comforting to be here with other girls and not only guys.

My feet are perched up on the chair, my legs covering the front of my body. I eat the ice cream Riley bought me because it would look weird if I didn't. I can feel his smirk of victory. He won the game of control. Again.

I think about what Cade said at the store earlier. That it would benefit people if they heard my voice, and what I had to say.

What do I have to say?

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Check out the first chapter of my new book 'In His Eyes' on my second account KeepingKeroppi

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[SOOO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN ALMOST A MONTH! I've been really busy and stressed with school lately! I will sincerely try to update more often. If you are waiting for an update, you can read the first chapter of my new age regrssion book, 'A Little Love For You.', or read the first chapter of my non-age regrssion book, 'In His Eyes' on KeepingKeroppi as mentioned above! Love you all!]

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Word Count: 1088!