Nadine's Stuck.

SEVENTEEN

Nadine's POV:

"Don't fucking talk back to me!" My dad yells. He does that a lot. Yell. Scream. Hit.

"I'm sorry, Daddy."

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I'm always sorry. Sorry for this, sorry for that. When is it his turn to say sorry? I want to hear it once - it doesn't even have to be from him, it can be from anyone. 

I want - need someone to say sorry for me, not just because they bumped into me and they're supposed to say it. I want someone to say it for real. I want them to mean it in their mind and heart like I aways do. 

"I'm sorry..." I whimper.

. . .

"Earth to Nadiaaa," Akiko teases, waving her hand in front of my face. I push it away. She laughs.

"Akiko, stop," Noah says. He is not on his phone, though seems bored.

"What? She was staring off into space."

I put my almost empty, small ice cream tub onto the the table. I cannot stomach anymore.

250 calories per serving, I think? I'm not sure, I forget, and I'm not checking now because that would further prove Akiko's anorexia accusation, even though I'm trying hard to be the opposite of anorexic so I can gain some fucking weight. I put my head in my hands.

Akiko flicks my arm, "Jeez, what's with you? You seem sadder than usual, Nadia."

I roll my eyes dramatically, knowing she can't see me them. I don't know if me becoming sadder is that true. Maybe masking all my real emotions and my annoyance has become more exhausting, so I don't, or maybe I really have become sadder.

I've been sad for too long. It's about time that I end it.

Three weeks.

Three.

Week.

I feel Cade's hand on my shoulder, attempting to be reassuring. It feels like the opposite. It feels like fire burning into my shoulder and slowly killing me. I want my death to be fast. Will Cade's drugs make it fast? I have no idea. 

I shake my shoulder a bit and his hand drops. "I'm fine," I say, answering Akiko's question. I almost forgot to. I look up.

Akiko simply shrug and goes back to picking at her half-full, half-empty plate.

"Nadia, smile," Riley says, putting on a huge fake smile. His tone isn't commanding but it feels like a demand - a condescending, teasing demand. I would give anything to have the strength to punch him in the face right here, right now.

This all feels so weird. It's my fault, it's his fault. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm dirty. His fucking hands. All over my body. I want the confusion to end now. Can I really wait three whole weeks? 

I have to. Valentines day is poetic, not that it matters to anyone besides me. It's still my death.

I smile, just to get him to shut up and hopefully stop bothering me.

"About fucking time," Akiko grins, glancing between Riley and I. I want to cry. What's new?

Elana hums as she eats her fries, I want to yell at her to stop. But in what world would I actually do that? 

There is a few seconds of almost-silence, chatter of other people around us, the sounds from the kitchen, and Elana's humming being the only barrier to silence. I hope when I die all the constant noise beating my ear will finally stop.

"I'm having a party," Riley breaks the silence, his words causing Elana to stop humming.

"When?" She asks.

"Valentines day. It's a wear your sexiest outfit kind of party. After all, what's valentines day without love and sex?"

I want to throw up.

"Fuck yeah," Akiko's grin widen.

"Eat your food," Noah nudges her shoulder, scolding her slightly. Akiko rolls her eyes, but obliges, taking a bite out of her burger, lettuce bursting out the sides.

"Ever been to a Party, Nadia?" Cade looks at me. 

"One." I answer, glancing over at Riley. I'm sure he can tell Cade all about how that went down. I'm sure he already told him. Easy little Nadia. Emphasis on the little.

"Yeah?" Riley says, tilting his head. I bunch my skirt into my fists. "You can bet your ass this one's going to be crazier. "

I want to leave. I am not going to that party. I already have plans, anyways.

"Can we leave?" I look at Cade with pleading eyes. I would just walk back to campus by myself, but don't trust the fact that I know the way.

Cade nods, his expression softening a bit. "Yeah. Let's go."

. . .

Check out the first chapter of my new book 'In His Eyes' on my second account KeepingKeroppi!

. . .

[Short chapter because I need to get one out. Again, I'm really sorry for not updating and really will ty to update faster. I recently got a report card and got a 55% in one of my classes, so I will have to be spending a lot of my time studying hard, sorry!!! My average is 87% though! I love you all lots, please stay safe!!]

Word Count: 823!