Marriage?

21: Flashbacks

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Chapter 21: Flashbacks.

Calvin Richards.

I smiled like a fool as the picture of her smile flashed in front of me - even when I had my eyes closed. Her concerned eyes, her rosy cheeks, her figure, her fingers, her hands, her fucking hands, and her fucking smile. I feel as if I had mistakenly married a goddess; a human can't be this beautiful and heavenly, with a personality as an angel. And that is why...I don't deserve her.

I heaved a heavy sigh and wiped my face with my hand that was on my forehead. I stretched my hand to get my phone. I saw Matthew's message and closed my eyes while my hand fell on the bed with a thud beside my figure.

4th of April 2004. That date has always managed to send shivers down my spine and it will continue to do so for the rest of my life. My breath fastened as I went through the memory lane again. The thunder. The rain. The car. The screams. The accident - it all echoed inside my ears. Those old times where I spent my time with her, those happy times when our family was one, those precious moments together where I was actually happy.

Tears collected in my eyes and my breath fastened, with my throat feeling as if it was being choked. Again, I felt breathless and terrible. I wanted to cry my heart out, wail loudly, but I cannot. It was as if I could not, I just couldn't push those tears out of me. My heart ached to cry, but it just couldn't bring itself to cry. I was completely miserable.

I closed my eyes as I let out a shaky exhale, and my heart beat slowly relaxed as I patted my chest lightly, "it's okay...I'm okay." I continued whispering until my breath got normal, and I felt calm. The image of my wife flashed in my head and as if it was some sort of medicine, it calmed me down immediately. I felt relaxed and better.

"I'm okay, I will be okay for her." I mumbled to myself.

With that, sleep came over to me slowly as I closed my eyes.

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I button my shirt up, leaving the first one buttons open for some air. I blew dried my damp hair, styled them perfectly, did some skincare and I was ready. I wore my black suit coat and pants before I wrapped my cartier watch around my wrist. I heaved an exhale before heading out my room, and to the living room downstairs.

A smile creeped on my face as I saw her roaming around Lia - fooling around, to be exact, seeing her walking like a penguin around her, and eyeing the food like a kid that Lia cooked. I let out a breathy chuckle and went downstairs.

"Scrambled eggs with veggies?" her face saddened a little, "you're cooking like my mother now." I could hear her cooing voice as she complained to Lia. I tried to control my laugh; all the other staff were greeting me.

"Good morning sir, do you want me to arrange the car for today? Or do you wish to be on your own?" our butler, Mr Lyon, spoke with a hint of british accent in his tone. I knew what he was talking about. I cleared my throat, "I'll take my own. Is the security informed and prepared?"

"Yes sir, I looked into that matter myself," he responded.

I nodded, "good job. Take care of this house while I'm out." I exhaled and leaned in closer to his ears, "and make sure that the locks are secured. Nobody must enter at any cost, without my approval. Take care of the garden as well." I signaled the guards that were dressed like normal house help with my eyes to the garden.

I gave a last look to the butler and marched towards the dining area. I could feel her eyes on me as I fixed the cuffs of my suit - pretended to, that is. I stood beside Lia, pouring myself a glass of water.