Shadows of Yesterday

Chapter 15: Spill Your Guts, While You've Still Got 'Em

My whole body went rigid as I stared at him, my heart racing in my chest. I had the strong urge to just say yes so that I didn't have to think about it anymore. Unfortunately, I also knew that I owed him an honest response. He'd been baring his soul to me in the hopes that we could move on from this--the least I could do was actually think about what he asked.

"Do you accept my apology?"

The question rattled around in my brain as I scrambled to come up with an answer. Did I forgive him? Could I?

The truth of the matter was that I honestly didn't know. Liam had been so kind to me since I moved back, even before he'd had the chance to apologize to me. He'd made an effort to listen to me whenever I needed him to. He'd purposefully tried to cheer me up right after an argument about him in which I hadn't been the kindest. But did a few weeks of nice actions make up for years of fights and stealing my first kiss?

Another problem: I'd been just as mean to him as he'd been to me; how did I know I shouldn't be the one apologizing to him?

Liam didn't say a word as he waited for me to say something. Anything. He just sat there, as still and wide-eyed as I was, his fingers utterly white from holding them so tightly together. There was a fragile vulnerability in his eyes that I wasn't used to seeing, and it only made my decision harder. Lookawaylookawaylookaway, I pleaded with him in my mind as my chest tightened.

"I..." It was all I could manage, one weak word that broke off at the end. I tried again. "I, um..."

That wasn't any better. The second attempt was as pathetically feeble as the first, if not more so. It wavered and trailed off, and it came out so quiet that I wasn't even convinced he could hear it over the crowd of people around us.

Liam must have noticed my hesitation, because his shoulders slumped, and he let out a slow breath as if to steady himself. I could see him forcing himself to relax. He offered me a small smile that was probably supposed to be reassuring. If anything, it just made me feel more conflicted. "How about this?" he asked, his voice just loud enough for me to hear. "Your hesitation comes from our past, right? From how we... how I... used to be, right? So now, you're not sure if you can trust it when I say I've changed?"

I hesitantly nodded.

He swallowed. "I don't blame you for that. I'd probably feel the same way, if our positions were reversed."

I raised an eyebrow in question but said nothing. My mind was still swirling too much to come up with actual responses.

"I... I want to give you the chance to decide for yourself. If you'll let me."

"What do you mean?" I asked when I finally managed to find my voice.

He leaned forward in his seat and resumed strangling the poor ketchup bottle. "Once a week, every week, we'll go for a walk. Just you and me. If... if you want. And on those walks, we'll play Truth or Truth. Or 20 Questions or something. You ask me anything, I ask you anything, and we both have to answer honestly. That way, you can figure out for yourself what kind of person I am."

"And what if I don't like what I find? What if I decide not to forgive you?"

"Then that's your choice, and I'll respect it. I won't..." he hesitated, "I won't like it, but I'll never force you to do anything you don't want to. All I'm asking for is a chance to prove myself to you. One chance. If I make you regret it, you can kick me to the curb anytime."

I drummed my fingers on the table, considering this new offer. Finally, I cautiously nodded. "Fine. But don't think this means we're besties or anything."