Shadows of Yesterday

Chapter 38: Sing Your Heart Back In

Three days went by after that without Liam's cheering-up outing actually happening. We'd planned to go out--platonically, of course, or so I was trying to convince myself--right after school. 

Unfortunately, reality decided to remind me why fun was a bad idea as soon as the last school bell rang.

It turned out that my parents hadn't been working extra overtime lately like I'd thought. Instead, they'd been spending all of their free time either at the hospital at my brother's bedside or preparing to go back there. It also turned out that they expected me to do the same.

The first time I'd walked into Declan's hospital room, I had frozen on the spot, my feet rooted to the ground exactly like they'd been in my nightmares all those weeks ago. He looked awful.

I had never expected Declan to be the one to remind me why I hated the smell of antiseptic. Never thought it would be him making everyone worry. He was reckless, sure, and grumpier than anyone I'd ever met, but he was strong. Solid. His anger had given him drive and purpose, and some stupid part of me had assumed that would always be a sure thing. I guessed I should have known from the drinking. I should have been more concerned.

I should have been a better sister while I'd had the chance.

My eldest brother was covered in bruises. They stretched across his face and traveled down every inch of his arms that wasn't covered by a cast or blanket. He was swollen in ways I had never seen on a person before. He didn't look as stable as the doctors said he was. He barely even looked alive. 

The improvements they said they saw had to be lies. It was hard to even look at him without my heart twisting in my chest.

He looked so ghostly, so... shattered.

Then there were my parents. And Ben.

My parents looked gaunter than I had ever seen them. Their faces were pale and drawn, and the perpetual shadows under their eyes had deepened to near bruises. My mom's hair was in the same low ponytail she'd had in for days, and I recognized her clothes as the same work outfit she'd worn on Monday.

Dad's hair and clothes were in a similar state of disarray. His suit shirt was unbuttoned at the top, and its collar was crooked. The blue tie that had started out the week fresh and neatly tied was now loosely hanging around his neck--still knotted, but only barely.

And Ben.

Ben was the worst. The state of his facial hair suggested that it hadn't seen the blade of a razor in ages, and his hair was a disaster. It was sticking out every which way on his head; uncombed, un-styled, and unwashed. He hadn't even bothered to change out of his pajamas. His dark circles were somehow worse than either of our parents'. But the worst part? 

The light in his eyes had gone out.

It made my already-hurting heart throb.

I was forced to spend so much time in that room that by the time Thursday came around, I really did need cheering up. When Liam's horn sounded in my driveway, it was like a symphony to my ears. Finally. An excuse to think about something other than phantoms with hearts that still beat.

The October air was chilly enough to give me goosebumps when I stepped outside, but I didn't have to feel it for long. As soon as I slipped into Liam's passenger seat, I was enveloped in warmth. "You ready to find new footwear? Because I'm about to blow your socks off."

I smiled despite myself. Despite everything. How did he always do that?

"You are so weird."

He pulled out into the street, but not before shooting a wink my way. "Don't lie, you love it."