"Lovely"

Part Forty Seven (Louis)

Part Forty Seven (Louis)

"We're done."

The words tasted like vomit in my mouth. I couldn't fathom them. They were unnatural.

Here was Harry, the supposed love of my life, being casted out by none other than the supposed love of his life, me. How was this real? How was I going through this so assuredly?

Something had to be wrong. Something wasn't right, it couldn't be. I loved Harry, and he loved me, and everything was wonderful.

Only it wasn't.

I can't tell myself that everything was wonderful and perfect and true love and happily ever after, because I'd be lying. Harry wasn't my true love, nor was he the love of my life. He was just some stupid guy that I was too naïve to see through. He didn't care about me. He never did.

"Lou, please." He begged, "you don't want to do this."

He followed after me for a while until I reached my house. "Louis! Please just listen to me!"

His voice called and called behind me until I closed my front door.

It wasn't until then that everything came out.

All the pent up anger, and confusion, and upset that I had felt over the last four months had finally resurfaced, and there I was sitting with my back against the front door, unable to hold them back any longer. Without a reason to keep my composure, I sobbed uncontrollably. Harry Styles broke my fucking heart. And there was nothing that I could've done to stop him.

Even though I had just broken up with Harry and then ignored his calls and pleas the entire way back to my house, he still remained on my front porch, knocking on the door and calling for me.

"Lou!" he shouted, "Louis I know you're there! Please come out here! Please talk to me!"

The knocks persisted for almost an hour, until finally I heard Harry sit down against the outside of the door, defeated.

"Love," he whimpered, "My love."

Through the door I can hear Harry start to breakdown a bit, it comes slowly, but after only a few moments I hear him break out into a sob worse than the one I had going not two minutes before.

"Please, Love." He begs, stifling his tears, "please."

I do my best to remain as silent as possible, unsure if I'm waiting for him to leave, or say something else. Despite everything, I don't want him to go. I'm... I'm not ready.

Without too much regard to how long we sat against the door like that, after a while, he must have thought that I was gone, because he spoke up.

"I don't know if you're there anymore, Lou." He starts, pausing several times to clear his throat of the crying he'd done, only to no avail, "but I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Louis, I was so terrible to you, I'm so sorry, Lou, I'm sorry."

He begins to sob again, "I wanted to help you Lou, I really did. I don't know what I would do without you, you're just... you're everything Lou." He speaks between broken sobs, "When Liam...called me from the hospital he didn't say anything just that I needed to come straight away. But when he said that you were hurt Lou, my heart just... it broke. I thought you were dead or something. So after you went to sleep that night at the hospital I just sat with you, and held your hand and everything for a few hours, but Liam came in, and threatened me the way he did, and said I needed to leave you."

He chokes, and clears his throat. .

"But the thing is, Lou, I.. I couldn't do it. I need you too much to let you go. I know, its selfish, but I thought that if I could distance myself and figure things out then it wouldn't be as hard when I saw you again. But I saw you with Liam today, and it was just too much, Lou. I know that I deserve it, but it's too much for me. He was so terrible to you, shoving you into the wall like that. He hurt you, and I just know that he'll do it again. You shouldn't be with someone like that, you deserve so much better Lou."

It takes all I have not to open the door and console him. Hold him, and run my fingers through his hair and tell him that everything is going to be okay. I didn't mean what I said, we could work things out. We always do, it would be okay.

But it wouldn't be, and I knew that.

But, Harry didn't know that.

"I want to be that for you Lou, I really do. I just... I care about you, and I care about your feelings more than mine. And I guess if...if you being happy and doing well means that I'm.. I'm not in the-in the picture... then I guess that that is the way it will have to be."

His head falls into the door, and I quickly stand to look through the peephole, secretively meeting his eyes. His hand rests against the door by his bellybutton, right by where my hand would be if the door weren't separating us.

"I'm gonna.. I'm gonna go now, but Lou, if you're listening, I love you. I love you more than anything. I'll always be here for you, you can always call me, or come talk to me at school or anything. If you need anything please tell me. I.. I love you Lou, I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for hurting you."

Harry removes himself from the door, and presses a gentle kiss to kiss to his fingers before resting his fingers against the door.

"Goodbye, Lou." he whispers. "Please come back to me; if you do, I promise, I promise Lou, things will be different between us."

I want to believe him. I want to rush into his arms and pretend that none of this ever happened. I want to hold him and kiss him and make all of his hurt go away.

But I can't, nor does he give me the chance to.

I look back up into the peep hole; hoping to get one last glance into his eyes, and instead watch as his tall figure dissipates out of my view, never to return.