"Lovely"

Part Thirty Six (Harry) and Part Thirty Six and Half (Liam)

Part Thirty Six (Harry)

Louis has been really pushing the idea of “us” and it’s not that I don’t want to be with Louis because I do. I want to be with him more than anything. He makes me happy. I would do anything for him in a heartbeat but coming out and so soon at that? School has only been in for a couple months and he’s settled in quite well here but there is still the occasional day where he gets shoved or made fun of. What if when we come out, it gets worse? Louis can handle this; he’s done it for so long. He’s strong but me? I don’t know. It’s just too early to be announcing that Louis and I are together.

Stop lying to yourself. I try and shut out my conscience but it only gets louder.

You’re a coward.

You’re not thinking about Louis’ wellbeing or how people will treat him.

You’re only worried about yourself.

You’re afraid.

I pull at my hair as I walk home, the crisp breeze nipping at my cheeks causing them to redden with each step I take. I try and fight my thoughts but they slowly but surely overtake my mind and then my body. I gasp for air just but it’s no use. I’m not getting any.

“Harry?”

My vision is blurry but as I try to steady my breathing, the hazier my eyesight gets.

“Harry? Are you okay?”

The voice is closer but not only is it closer it is familiar. It’s Becca.

I strain my eyes to see her until she’s clear.

“Harry, are you alright?” She asks warily.

“I’m fine, Becs.”

“Do you need help getting up?” She asks cautiously while offering me her small hand. It’s now that I realize I’m hunched over, with my hands on my knees. She pushes some of my hair out of my face and offers me a warm smile. I return the small gesture.

“Are you having one of your episodes again, Harry?” She asks as she tugs me in the direction of the house. Becca has seen her fair share of my thoughts consuming me. Some of them ended up in me passing out or having an asthma attack. I told her to call them “episodes” because they would only last for a short time.

“Yeah Becs, just another episode.”

“Is it over?”

I look down into her eyes as she stares back into mine. She searches for the green light signaling that this is all over. I think it is so I tell her it is.

“Good,” she smiles before rushing into the house. She meets up with Dan who takes her hand and leads her off into the backyard. I go to head to the stairs until I hear my name. It’s Louis and instantly, my heart warms.

“I made your favorite tea, love,” he grins, “just how you like it.”

“You are…the best Louis.” I relax into the chair next to him before blowing on my tea. We sit in silence, both drinking our tea, both enjoying each other’s company. It’s a comfortable silence and for that I am grateful.

“Wanna hear a story Harry?” Louis asks, breaking our silence.

“Sure.” I set my cup down and grab his hand, a habit I’ve acquired over our time being together. He smiles genuinely before continuing.

“When I was little, I was told to close my eyes during prayer. I never understood why nor did I question it. Have you ever wondered why?”

I actually sit and think about his question. Now that I think of it, I have wondered why closing your eyes during prayer is a thing.