"Lovely"

Part Five (Harry)

Part Five: Harry

I did it.

I did it.

I kissed Louis. I actually did it. The adrenaline from the kiss coursed through me, as though I had just ridden a rollercoaster. Or, you know, done drugs or something. Being with Louis was a high, like nothing I had ever experienced. Yes, it had been a little clumsy, but I suppose that all first kisses were. It added to the innocence of it in a way.

I had done my very best to appear smooth, like I knew exactly what I was doing. Maybe for a moment, Lou had bought into it, but I would never know-I had walked away before seeing his reaction. The thought of him not liking it made me too upset to think about.

Instead, when I left, I had gone into the back room, and gone in the staff bathroom. I knew that Louis would be out of ear shot, and only then I could do what I actually wanted to do.

I wanted to jump and scream and pick daisies and stand on top of a building and tell the world I had kissed Lou.

Lou.

Louis.

Instead of that, however, I end up ramming into Diana, who bakes everything, and nearly knocking over the large tray of bread rolls that she’s carrying.

“Sorry!” I shout behind me, “I’m sorry Di! Its just-it’s just I-“

I stop running and turn around to face her. “I-‘ve done it! D-Diana I-“

I start to ramble off, which I tend to do whenever I have too many things to say. Diana sets her tray down carefully on the counter behind her before approaching me.

“Harry, breathe.” She sighs, placing both of her hands on my shoulders. After a few moments, I’m able to steady out my breathing.  I can’t get rid of the toothy grin though. I can feel it stuck on like superglue.

“Now,” she begins, “What’s got you all worked up?”

My smile gets bigger. “I…I kissed Lou.”

Diana’s immediate reaction is not what I expect. I thought she would be happy for me, or that she would congratulate me or something.

Instead, she drops he hands from my shoulders, and takes a step back away me.

“Now Harry, why would you do that?” she questions, her tone suddenly cold.

“I…Diana…” I stammer, collecting my words and contemplate what’s going on. “I…I like him.”

She shakes her head. “No, Harry. You don’t.”

“Bu-Diana. I do.”

She holds her hand up to silence me. “No need to worry about it, dear. You’ll meet a nice girl soon enough and forget about this whole thing.”

With a lost smile, Diana picked up her tray and went out into the front.

A girl. I don’t want to date a girl. Sure, the other guys at school would sometimes talk about their girlfriends, and they would check out the girls when we’d all go out-but I never thought that I should want one. Not the way I wanted Lou, anyway. The idea of being with someone so different from me made almost no sense to me whatsoever.

Why would I go after a girl when I could go after Lou?

I like Louis. I really like him, he’s just…he’s lovely. But I would forget about it soon enough? That’s actually what she thought. She doesn’t understand, she never will.

I mean really, I don’t ever remember liking a girl. Thinking about her the way I did Louis.

Louis.

It hit me that he was still sitting out there, alone. I knew that he was waiting for me to come back; but there was a part of me that didn’t want to face him just yet. Not after what Diana had said. What if she had said something to him? Perhaps he’s already gone, she told him I wasn’t interested. Or worse, what if she told him he’d grow out of it too?

I stood in the staff bathroom for a few moments before initiating eye contact with the figure in the mirror. He looked like he wanted a good cry. I suppose he wasn’t entirely in the wrong for that though.

He couldn’t bring himself to cry though.

He couldn’t.

I couldn’t.

After several deep, staggered breaths, I swallow the lump in my throat. I will not let this get to me. I will not let this get to me. I can’t…I can’t let Louis see me cry.

With a quick once over in the mirror in hallway, I make my way back out the register to find a flustered, confused, and embarrassed Louis packing up his things to leave. I rushed around the counter just in time to grab his hand.

"L-Lou, where a-are you going?" I managed to stutter out. 

"Home Harry. I’m sorry if I made you feel as if you had to kiss me. It won’t happen again, I promise."

Dumbfounded, I stood there wondering why he would think that. The glassy look in his crystal blue eyes had hurt and anger written all over them. I guess I took too long with my response because before I even muster up a word, his hand was snatched from mine and I was looking at his back. 

"Lou…" I whispered.

"Goodbye Harry." Louis snapped. His legs were significantly shorter than mine, and yet he managed to stay ahead of me, his pace quick. 

"Lou, wait!" I call after him. I follow him out of the bakery and down the block a ways, but before I can call to him again, he’s disappeared into the steadily thickening crowd, no where to be seen.