This is Me Trying ⭑ Rafe Cameron

fifty six

CHAPTER FIFTY SIX
[56]
song: abandoned mansion by dr. dog

People stood in clusters on the sidewalks, craning their necks, whispering. Some of them even had their phones out, recording it all go down.

Rafe stood across the street, stood amongst the crowd under one of the many trees along the sidewalk. There was a nervous energy in the air, like everyone was holding their breath and expecting the worst.

His arms were crossed tight across his chest, but the muscles beneath his shirt were coiled in a way that said he wasn't at ease. He was on edge. He kept biting at the side of his thumbnail. Rafe's eyes never left Zeasy's office, scanning the doorway, waiting for Shoupe to come back out.

He didn't know why he was here. This wasn't his problem. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to leave. He should've left when she got out of the car, when they got separated in the crowd. He should've let her disappear into the chaos, let her deal with whatever was coming for her on her own.

He did what he thought was warranted— get someone out of a dangerous crowd and to safety. And though he felt he was over-staying his welcome, he couldn't get himself to look away.

Mostly, Rafe was intrigued. Though his heart pulsed with a strange mix of frustration and concern. He watched her run herself into the chaos of an active police standoff. All because her brother was inside that office. She'd always been loyal, almost to a fault, but this, this was off. Her disregard for her own safety was becoming something more dangerous than just naïveté. It was reckless abandon.

He wasn't supposed to care anymore. But when the thought of her in there right now flickered in his mind, when his gaze caught a flash of movement in the house, he couldn't help but feel a gnawing ache at his chest.

It was like a bad habit he couldn't shake, no matter how many times he tried to bury it. Despite everything that had happened between them, despite how far they had drifted, Rafe always ended up right back here. Watching over her. Trying, in vain, to keep her from falling into a situation that would get her killed.

Maybe he kept coming back because, deep down, he wished someone had done the same for him. Cassie wasn't stupid. She was impulsive, headstrong, reckless, but she wasn't stupid. Still, she needed someone to pull her back when she got too close to the edge. Someone to keep her grounded, because clearly, her friends weren't stepping up to the plate.

The deputies shoved the crowd back, their commands harsh, the sound of their voices cutting through the shouting. He could hear Kiara's voice rise above the rest, begging the officers to stand down.

Rafe saw Cassie when JJ started the riot in the courthouse. That same innate terror, the same protective drive. The same fire in her that had once burned for him.

And even though he liked to tell himself that he was only here by chance, that it was coincidence that kept pulling him back to her, deep down, he knew the truth. He was here because he missed having someone look out for him the way he did for her. He craved it. He craved what felt like someone having loyalties to you, someone trusting you, because right now, no one did. And he wished he could go back to a time, to before he met Cassie, where he didn't know what being trusted and cared for felt like— because that way it wouldn't hurt so bad to be without it.

He slowly stepped through the crowd as the bodies shifted, trying to get a better look at what was happening up ahead. His head low, his eyes focused and heavy as he pushed through.

He didn't care what happened. Cassie had enough people to mourn for her if something were to go array tonight. He didn't care.

He shouldn't care.