This is Me Trying ⭑ Rafe Cameron

forty four

CHAPTER FORTY FOUR
[44]
song: a forest by the cure

Rafe Cameron didn't have much consistency in his life.

As a kid, he realized from a young age that he wanted to be just like his father. His father, who started from nothing and grew an empire. Had a great family. A great business.

Rafe watched his every move, and tried to show his father that one day he'd be capable of doing the same great things.

There was a short period where it was just Rafe, Ward, and his mother. It was perfect. And then Sarah was born, and everything shifted.

In the moments where Ward did pay any attention to Rafe, where he could truly feel his father's love, he knew his love was greater for Sarah. And Rafe, no matter what he did, no matter who he killed, he would never be the first choice.

And there came a time in Rafe's life where he decided it was time for change. That he started living for himself instead of Ward, doing the things that made him happy. Being with the girl who made him happy.

And in those moments, he was. He'd found someone that chose him.

Until she didn't.

No, she chose the people that killed his father.

And the most painful part was, she would never understand how hard it was to see her with them. To hear her pleads on the other side of the door, to listen to the cracks in her voice and the trembling of her breath.

To hear all of it, and know it meant nothing, as she'll return home to them.

He took to drinking, and drugs, and sleeping around. Anything to keep his mind off of her. Anything to get the sounds of her cries out of his head.

He couldn't do it anymore. He was choosing himself. He had to, or else he thought he might die.

The back and forth, the do they love each other, or do they not? It was eating him up. It was picking away at his flesh and taunting him with all these questions.

How could she do this to me?
How could she do this to me?
How could she do this to me?

Rafe knew she had loyalties to them. She knew she loved her brother, her friends. But he figured there was a line she wouldn't cross.

But maybe murder came easy to them.

He saw it first-hand how easy it was for her.

And then he drank. He drank and drank until all of his thoughts were gone. He didn't want to think of her like that, she saved his life.

Why would he think of her like that?

What was he doing?

Why can't his mind make a decision?

He had to see her. He had to remind himself of what she was doing to him.

A month after his father's death, he drove his way to The Cut. He'd heard rumors they were all living in Luke Maybank's old shit-hole, so that's where he went.