This is Me Trying ⭑ Rafe Cameron

fifty two pt. i

CHAPTER FIFTY TWO PART I
[52 pt. i]
song: noise by the neighbourhood

Cassie squinted up at the sun, grateful for its warmth, even if it didn't seem to reach quite far enough inside her.

They'd driven to Henri Beach, a long strip of shore that spanned the outside perimeter of Kildare. One end reached all the way to the start of the Cut, the other met Figure Eight.

Despite most businesses being closed for the day, the beach was fairly empty. But the weather was perfect. It was hot, but there was a cool breeze from a distant storm that pushed its way to them. The waves were bigger than Cassie had seen them in a long time, and she could admit there was a certain smell in the air.

Her friends were scattered along the shoreline, laughing, waxing their boards, setting up umbrellas and unfolding their towels. Cassie had a pink board with orange and white flowers all over it, though she'd never been as into surfing as everyone else, she liked to have it to sit on in the water.

For a moment, she let herself watch, their energy was contagious. It felt like this was the happiest she'd seen them all since Poguelandia opened.

But then a wave of exhaustion hit— like she'd been trying too hard to keep up. She didn't want to tell JJ their dad was back in town. Not today. She didn't want to ruin his mood. But the tension of her knowing lingered in the air around her, and kept her from fully delving into the day.

JJ and Kiara set up their two lawn chairs beside each other, as John B went straight to the water and Sarah watched. Pope and Cleo were out doing their own things.

Kiara unfolded a towel, her fingers moving mechanically, but her eyes were fixed on Cassie, who was at the van, rubbing sunscreen into her shoulders. The motion was deliberate but distracted. Kiara's gaze softened. It was hard to ignore how much Cassie had changed. They all noticed it—how she'd become quieter, more withdrawn, like she was carrying something too heavy to share. The weight of it was obvious to them, even if Cassie never said a word.

"Do you think something else is going on?" Kiara asked, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, the gust of wind from the ocean tangling it in her face.

JJ paused, halfway through securing an umbrella in the sand, his gaze following Kiara's to Cassie. He squinted against the sunlight, his jaw tight, considering her question. "She seems fine today." He seemed uncertain.

"No, not just today," Kiara murmured. She took a moment, brow furrowed, searching for the right words. "Like— do you think there's more to it? Besides what happened with Rafe?"

JJ frowns, then shrugs a little. "I think it's probably just losing her grandma. She's taking it really hard. And I know that money she owes Mike is bugging her. But once we figure out this blue crown shit— it's smooth sailing."

"I guess." Kiara says, eyes still on her.

Cassie pulled a baseball cap over her braided hair, putting back on her unbuttoned dark green shirt that she wore over her navy swimsuit and big denim shorts. It had been a long time since she joined them at the beach. The shop was closed, she had no other jobs, no other family matters to attend to, so she was grateful for the distraction.

She made her way to the back of the van, pulling open the two trunk doors as she picked up a paper bag of groceries. Beers that felt cold on her arms as she gathered them all up in her arms. Snacks, waters, a bottle of red wine for Sarah, who claimed, to everyone's dismay, that red wine was the perfect beach drink.

She continued through the sand and over to her friends who set up camp, letting herself relax into the warm breeze, telling herself it was okay to have today to not be so uptight.