With the help of Remus Lupin

Opening up (pt 2)

...Harry was stunned.

 He didn't know why but hearing that...felt so comforting. Remus' words felt like the soothing hands of a..mother, gently patting his back. "Thank you..." was all Harry could mutter, and he truly felt that way. Remus was...proud of him. Proud of him for holding up so long, for desperately crawling his way through life despite the suffering.

 Harry felt acknowledged, because he truly had tried. For the past few months, each and every day had challenged him. Or more like..his will to live. During every moment of every day, he wanted nothing more than to just die. But he powered through every single second of the day, constantly convincing himself not to do it. Everyday, he would wake up and use the smallest things as an excuse not to end it that day. Whether it be the nice weather, or needing to see Ron and Hermione finally stop pining for each other. He had desperately tried to postpone the date of his perhaps inevitable death. He was constantly at battle with himself, and slowly but surely got weaker by each passing day.

 But he had held up so well...right..? He had tried..tried so hard. All those moments of convincing himself, or at least trying to.. He was barely living, but not dead just yet. He had been so strong for so long, and Remus was proud of him for that..

 "Harry if...if it's too much to handle at once, we can always continue this another time or another day." Remus spoke gently. "The whole point of this is to help you, not to overwhelm you or make you feel forced to talk"

"No no, it's been too long. I'm ready to talk...to you" Harry mustered that last part as a silent plea;Please don't tell anyone else about this... "Harry, I will not confide other teachers in this unless you say so."

"...really?"

"Of course Harry. I, your professor, now know about this so there is no need to alert other professors. But please, do promise you will come and talk to me should things get worse; or if you simply need someone to talk to" Remus spoke gently as he made the offer.

"I promise" Harry said.

Remus felt a heavy weight in his stomach now. There was a certain...issue to be addressed, and there was truly no way to lessen the awkwardness it would bring upon. "Well Harry, the first thing I would like to address is...the self harm"

Harry tensed up, but knew it was a problem that had to be acknowledged. "..Was it that obvious.." Harry muttered.

For the first time during the conversation, Remus' gentle and soothing demeanor changed into one of...nervousness? Harry looked up at Remus as he seemed to ponder and fidget. Was this a sensitive topic for Remus as well?

Remus slowly began to raise his own sleeves. Were those...faded scars..? Harry's eyes turned into one of disbelief as he looked at the professor he admired so much. Remus...had struggled, just as Harry had.

"Harry, I want you to know that you are not alone. I wish to help you, because I have experienced similar struggles before. And...if you ever feel awkward talking to me, or bringing up a certain subject, please realize that you having the courage to talk to me in itself will make me immensely proud."

Harry silently nodded. He was...glad. His problems wouldn't drive Remus away... He could come to Remus whenever he needed to. He could...get better. That felt unreal. Would he finally be able to escape the dark prison of his own mind? Would he finally be able to feel joy in living?

Remus started up gently again "Harry, would you feel comfortable enough showing me your wrists every day to make sure there are no fresh cuts? As much as I won't push you to talk, I'm afraid this is something I will have to heavily interfere with; seeing as it is directly related to your physical wellbeing. I...realize just how difficult it can be to stop this by yourself, as it can become a sort of...addiction."

A question threatened to spill from Harry's throat; and Remus could tell

"What is it Harry?" Remus gently nudged.

"Um..what happens if I..relapse..?"