Flight Risk

49 - Return to the Clarke Home

When we arrived at my parents' suburban home, it was after eleven at night, and they were already sleeping. We sneaked upstairs to my room, the soft carpet absorbing our footsteps like it did when I used to come in late from the bar with my friends. Something was thrilling about doing this with Caleb, even if I knew my parents were fine with him staying here and us sharing a room. It was like I was weaving him into both my present and past lives.

Once we'd closed the door, I whispered, "The last time we were up here, I nearly asked you to be my boyfriend and kicked myself half the drive for not doing it."

He chuckled as he set his suitcase and our food bags on the floor near my desk. "I stopped myself multiple times from telling you our connection wasn't fake even before the trip."

"Why fight it?"

"I was unsure of how things were with your ex, and with Lily's condition, I didn't think I could be a genuine partner to anyone."

"You're the most genuine and best partner I could ever ask for. It's amazing how much you love and want to support her."

He kissed me, his hands resting on my hips and tracing the ticklish spot where my skin met the seam on my shorts.

"Audrey, I adore you."

"I feel the same. It's like all the things we thought were flaws were tailored for each other. Your love for nature."

"I admire that about you too. You're so captivated by it that you want to dedicate your life to exploring its differences around the world."

He captured my lips in another kiss, this one deeper than the last. If he wasn't careful, the floor would evaporate under us.

I pulled away for a second to add, "How sweet a brother you are."

"How you pick up on and consider others, though I wish it didn't get you so down on yourself. At least it seems to be fading."

He stroked my cheek with the soft pad of his thumb as if I were some kind of precious animal. I supposed to him I was. Our kisses continued, with our tired bodies intertwining and finding their way onto my semi-comfortable double bed. He drew me against him as if that would erase our upcoming separation, and just as I was ready to melt into his touch, he pulled away.

"You should know that..." His cheeks went a little red, and he bit his lip. "When we talked about asexuality and I said that I hadn't yet..."

Now that I looked closer, the change in his gaze was clear.

That explained our moment at the waterfall earlier. It wasn't the heat of the outdoors that had him flustered.

"You're attracted to me in a new way?"

"Yes, I umm, sorry." He removed his hands from my waist before he gazed into my eyes. "Does that change how you feel about us? I wish I only thought about what you do."

I had grown used to it with my past relationships, and while its absence so far had kept the thoughts of 'does he want more' or 'am I disappointing him' at bay, it was flattering to have him sexually attracted to me. Plus, he understood how a person could love someone without those urges, so my mind's uneasy waffling should stay quiet.

I took his hands in mine. "You're the only person I've been with who has landed anywhere on the asexuality spectrum, so no if anything, this is the part I'm used to. Not that I didn't love how things were before."

"I don't expect anything to change. I just felt dishonest not telling you when we're together and you think that I'm only thinking about kissing you." He blushed and averted his eyes.