Flight Risk

50 - Brunch chez Adams-Vanderhoff

As Caleb and I finished scooping the warm Nasi Goreng in a container that seemed far too large to feed only four people, he turned and wrapped his arms around me from behind, rocking me gently.

He leaned down to whisper, "Are you feeling better?"

I nodded.

After my mother had left, we cooked and chatted with my dad before he cycled to work. He eagerly listened to our stories about the polar bears and beluga whales. Unlike my mom, he seemed interested. He even grabbed a bowl of Caleb's family recipe for Indonesian fried rice as breakfast and quite liked it, though it was hard not to with its savoury goodness.

His interest and care balanced out my mom's self-focus, which was a small reassurance. While I wouldn't have Caleb to hold me and whisper sweet reassurance after dealing with my mom, I could go to my dad or remind myself of my value.

"My stress will settle out with time."

"Staying in Manitoba doesn't have to mean living in this house. Have you thought about where else you can go?"

I shrugged against his chest. My emotions were setting off like New Year's fireworks since the plane landed, so planning hadn't been my forte.

"With friends? Or a roommate?"

"I'll think of something."

"Not that I'm trying to push you to live here. We could visit each other if you were in Indonesia, or you could come to Cardwell on a tourist visa, and we'd figure out the long-term visa applications together."

He shifted so his head rested on my shoulder, and he snuggled in closer. The tension in his embrace was still present, despite me stoking the back of his hands.

I regretted that my anxiety was sending Caleb's mind spinning about my future when he already had so much on his plate.

"There's no way I could afford to even apply for a significant visa soon. I'll figure things out here. Don't worry."

"I wish I could help, but that's beyond my budget, too. Maybe in a year?"

"That's what I'm hoping for too, the timeline not that you'll fund my relocation."

"I want to support you in any way I can."

I turned to stroke his cheek and kiss it gently. "You're the best."

"So are you. But worry you don't believe it about yourself."

I had to trust that I could do this, and if I settled my fears, I could. Living here came with friends who knew and loved me, my dad with whom I shared more interests, and the lack of stress over figuring out visas and work permits. Even Trevor, who had every reason to avoid me, had approached me at the wedding and wanted to reconnect. I'd be back in the world of visa applications and relocations hopefully within a year, but getting a job and filling out regular paperwork to accept it might be a welcome change to visiting consulates and dealing with work permits.

"I'll be okay, Caleb. Just worry about Lily and your family. Time will be good for us. Rushing into this without a plan could ruin it between stress and finances."

"You'll have plenty of stress here."

"Yeah, but I've dealt with it for most of my life. I have support. It'll be okay, and you don't have to send your mind spiralling trying to solve this for me. I've got it."

His shoulders relaxed, and he pulled me closer to him, an embrace that I wanted to spend the entire day snuggled into even if I was very much looking forward to seeing Claire and Vince again.