CROWN PRINCESS (Winrina)

I F*** UP

Hey guys so. This is not an update but this is more what happened in my life.

I know this is random but i have no where else to vent. And as i mentioned in my announcement. Whenever i fuck up. I always come to Wattpad. Because here is where i first fuck my life up.

So Yesterday (27/1)
I told my best friends. Im finally straight. And its not because i lost interest or what. Its because i want to fool myself. You guys must be like "bruh? Wtf u wanna fool yourself?"

Yes. Because i had a crush on this girl from 2023 LIKE THE WHOLE YEAR. she's very my type. I did everything for her. She had a cardiovascular disorder. And when i found out i will always look after her. And i even try to understand her. I always leave letters on her desk and i worked hard to be compatible with her (she's a science stream student) which means she is very smart.

And she got a boyfriend. And they broke up. But they got back together. And i was like ok whatever because i had fallen for this one girl. THE ISSUE IS. WE'RE TOO COMPATIBLE. we have the same mbti. Same interests. AND SAME DREAMS. i moved school so me and this new girl ENTER AT THE SAME DAY. WE SAT NEXT TO EACH OTHER WHILE WAITING FOR THE TEACHER TO GUIDE US- Isnt that weird??? And then i ask her what she wants to be. Then she said she wants to study law. ME TOO. then she said "originally i want to study psychology but in our country its basically useless" ME TOO. then she said (she is a science stream student) she wanted to become a doctor at first. ME TOO! so its weird. ITS WEIRD.

Then im like uwu same everything its meant to be. but my country had the same thing like IGCSE. So i said "after this exam i will COURT HER" Because she showed signs that she perhaps like me. She buy me things when she goes out. SHE FOLLOWWS WHAT I WANT!!! AND SHE chose to leave her turtle alone at home and go out with me instead. ISNT THAT EFFORT??? Then i feel like we're on the same page. But i lost feelings the day i gave her, her birthday gifts which is a handmade bouquet, a letter, she loves stitch so i bought stitch lego, keychain and a pen holder. (Im broke)

So i lost feelings and when i thought about it we are more suitable as friends.

And i dont want to hide my relationship. Like lesbians probably understand the fear if your family caught you dating someone from the same gender especially when theyre homophobic. Yes. I got scared. And i've been single for like 3 years. My past relationships was LDR i met them thru here too-

So im tired of being in constant fear and the need to hide things.

But then i catch feelings for my best friend. But she likes someone else and she's a bitch. Anywaysssss

Whenever i go out i always see sweet couples and im like "AWW I WANT THAT TOO" And in the end. My brain said "hey what if you embrace the fact you will wait for someone who you dream for will come?? And maybe admit youre straight. Youre probably just confused"

And i did. I told my friends im straight and i accept the fact that maybe my future boyfriend will show up soon.

Today. (28/1)

I woke up feeling EXTREME LONELINESS AND LACK OF LOVE. until around 4? Pm? a guy from twitter dm me. I had thought about him before and he asked me to chat me on this app.

Boy that would be the beginning of my biggest regret. He asked if i want to call. I said no. I cant. Then he said "okay baby" WTF!!! then fast forward he asked for nudes.

I gave it.

I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID. AND I REGRET IT NOW. because i realise "wtf? This is not what i wanted." And this guy told me what to do and i followed it. but he is okay, he doesn't forced me. BUT I ENDED UP DOING IT!! So now im regretting it.

So please if u want to judge me please do, and honestly after i said and i lied to myself that im straight. I dont feel happy anymore. But i dont know!!! THIS IS THE EFFECT OF NOT KNOWING YOUR FATHER I GUESS???? EVERY GUY I TALKED TO I FALL FOR THEM. btw the guy had ghosted me. 😁😁😁 so its safe. But idk guys JUST PLEASE someone love me. I know im stupid and disgusting. But love me. Idgaf if its ldr or not anymore. I graduated and just looking for a job. I will do my best to buy a ticket to u!! 😭😭😭

Thats all. I will update my stories because i feel so stupid and you guys can judge me.