turned - muke - the distortion trilogy 2

1.8

ASHTON'S P.O.V.

I can't fight the grin that spreads onto my lips as Calum says, "I can't stop thinking about you."

He looks uncomfortable and he's blushing madly, like he regrets saying it, but I don't care.

"Really?" I ask hopefully.

He shrugs, then nods. "Yeah," he mumbles.

"I can't stop thinking about you, either," I admit, reaching out to place my hand on his knee.

He slaps it away immediately.

"I still have a girlfriend," he snaps, his mood quickly turning sour.

"Then why are you here?" I question. "Don't lead me on."

Calum groans, running a hand through his hair. "It's not that easy," he insists. "I know that I like you, but..."

"But?" I prompt.

"But I've been with Amber for two years!" he exclaims, frustration and guilt lacing his words. "I'm supposed to love her."

"But you don't?"

"No," he sighs, then frowns. "Well, maybe. I don't know anymore."

"You should figure it out," I suggest, and he rolls his eyes.

"No sh it."

I put my hands up in defense. "Just trying to be helpful," I explain, and he sighs.

"I know, but..." He trails off, biting his lip. My heart skips a beat and I try not to drool. "You raped my best friend," he reminds me, and my heart sinks into my stomach. "I don't think I can be with you."

I want to defend myself, I want to fight back, but I know that he's right. He shouldn't be with me, I've hurt someone important to him, and hell, I might hurt him, too. My fists clench in anger and regret as the memory of Luke and I on my bed resurfaces in my mind.

-

"A-Ash," Luke mumbled against my lips as my fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans. He sounded uncomfortable, panicked. "I don't think I wanna do this."

I was lying on top of him, our shirtless and sweaty chests flush against each other. I had already discarded my jeans, and it was his turn.

"Shh, love," I hushed him, trailing my lips down his chest and pressing a kiss right below his bellybutton. "Sure you do."

He began to wriggle around a bit, trying to shake me off of him, I think. I held his hips down with one hand, unbuttoning his jeans with the other.

"Ashton, please," Luke whimpered, reaching his hands down to push me off of him. I slapped them away, looking up at him. "I don't--you can't--" He was struggling to form words, breathing heavily in panic. Somewhere deep down, I felt bad, but I pushed the emotion even further away.

I batted my eyelashes, pouting. "Don't you love me?"

Guilt flooding his face, Luke stuttered out, "Y-Yeah, but--"

I cut him off. "Do you trust me?"

His lip quivering, he nodded hesitantly.

I smiled, pulling his jeans down to his ankles. "Then you'll be fine, love."

-

I flinch at the memory of my most shameful act. I can't bear to think about Luke crying as I took his virginity.

I'm fighting hard to control my breathing. I want to break something, I want to hit someone. I hate myself for what I did to Luke, I hate myself for having no self control in situations like these. I'm terrified that I'm about to destroy all of the progress I've made at the hospital. I'm terrified that I'm about to hurt Calum.

"Ashton?" Calum asks, his tone a mixture of worry and confusion. He lays a hand on my shoulder, and I shrug it off immediately. "Are you okay?"

I squeeze my eyes shut, spitting out through gritted teeth, "You need to leave."

I can hear the hurt in Calum's voice when he asks, "W-Why?" and it breaks my heart. But if he doesn't leave now, I might accidentally lash out at him, and I can't let that happen.

"Because if you don't, I might hurt you."

-

CALUM'S P.O.V.

"Because if you don't, I might hurt you," Ashton fumes. I stand up immediately, remembering what he did to Luke.

"I'll...I'll talk to you soon, okay?" I say, my voice rising an octave.

"Leave!" Ashton groans, and I can't help but feel a pang of hurt. I know he's only being so aggressive so he doesn't lose control and take whatever's bothering him out on me, but still. It makes me feel guilty, like something I said or did caused this episode.

I quickly make my way out of the room, rushing down to the parking lot and into my car. I rest my head on the steering wheel, trying to decide where I should go from here. I don't know if I should go confess to Luke about what's been going on with me and Ashton, or...

I groan, knowing where I have to go.

~

A/N: PICTURE ON THE TOP/SIDE BC MICHAEL LOOKED STUNNING YESTERDAY (7/24) HES SO PRECIOUS I AM SO SO IN LOVE

also I made a blog/website thingy about feminism/social justice/etc and it would be super cool if y'all would check it out so more than just like 4 of my friends would read it lmao it's https://cassandraisafeminist.wordpress.com and the link is in my bio if you wanna read some of my articles or whatever (there are only 2 lol)

ive spent all morning watching live p!atd performances from ryro eras and then comparing them to the current era i am in so much pain bye

ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT IM SORRY