Self Inflicted

31

He convinced Rick to try, to give him a shot. Honestly, it makes more sense to try than to sit here and wait for his people to come. Rick is staying here with Aaron and Judith, the rest of us are off to our different positions. Me, I'm scouting in the woods with other people watching the barn. Awaiting possible danger, which has to be one of the worst feelings. Letting people you care about risk their lives trying to find something that may not be there or that may be a trap. 

-

They made it back, there is a chance he is telling the truth. They found the RV he was telling us about, including his car. Michonne, Rick, Glenn, and Aaron are riding in his car while everyone else follows in the RV. 

"Be careful," I mutter to Michonne, giving her an unsure look and she returns the favor with a nod. She's hopeful, very hopeful. I've seen something immense change in her in the time that we have been with Rick, Carl, and the group. She seems to be trusting, excitable, and most importantly hopeful. Somewhat like she was at the beginning of all this before Andre happened. 

We all climb into the RV, Abraham at the wheel to no surprise to any of us. Daryl sits to the left side of the RV on a bench, so I park myself beside him. Everyone talks quietly amongst themselves and we pull off to start our journey. 

"Think he's telling the truth?" Daryl grumbles. 

"I think we have nothing left to lose." 

"We do," he mutters and I glance at him, he's avoiding eye contact as per usual. What does he mean by that? Is it because of what happened last night? Is he afraid of losing me? I turn my head away from the weathered man and look forward. But, I reach my hand over and set it on his for a brief moment. Almost reminding him that I'm still here.  

-

We found Aaron's partner, his name is Eric. He shot off a flare signal to Aaron, he was injured and needed help so we helped him get out of a sticky situation. We found a building to hold up in while it's dark. Aaron, Rick, Michonne, and Glenn are still out there somewhere. I'm hoping they saw the flare and will find this building. 

-

Daryl and I stand right outside the closed door to the building, keeping watch and waiting for the others. He's leaning against the building and I am right beside him. "Daryl," he gives me a 'hm' in response. "I'm sorry for jumping you like that last night."

"Ts' alright," he mumbles, still obviously avoiding my eye contact. 

"You haven't said anything about it, or that time in the house," the conversation hangs thick in the air like I'm making his skin crawl for talking about it. I just need some answers and for once I'd like for him to actually use some words instead of answering with no words at all. But again, silence. "Daryl."

"What? What'd you want me to say? Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend and pretend like we're having fun?" he snaps at me a shakes his head.

"Oh fuck off, Daryl," I huff at him. "Have you ever tried not being sarcastic for once in your damn life?" No response, as usual. Honestly though, what did I really expect? Try to force the man that is so boarded up and broken to explain to me how he feels. Or really to feel anything at all. I just storm back inside and sit with Maggie, who sends me a small, questioning glance to which I just shake my head no to. 

-

Soon enough, we hear them coming in and Aaron is already calling for Eric. He calls back to him and Aaron goes running. Rick follows hurriedly behind him and the others flow into this area of the dimly lit building. I spot Daryl and just try to avoid his eyes. 

Shortly after, Aaron returns to the area saying 'excuse me.' 

"Everyone," we all gather around the shaken man. "Thank you. You saved Eric. I owe you, all of you. And I will make sure that debt is paid in full when we get to our community, when we get to Alexandria." He pauses and looks around at all of us, "now, I'm not sure about you but I'd rather not do any more driving tonight. Um, maybe we can hit the road in the morning."

"That sounds fine," Rick peers out of the darkness off behind Aaron. "But if we're staying here for the night you're sleeping over there." He points to the opposite end of the room, furthest from where an injured Eric is lying in the next room. 

"You really think we got to do that," Maggie steps forward ever so slightly and suggests. A scruffy and worn down Rick just stares through Aaron. 

"It's the safe play. We don't know you."

"The only way you're gonna stop me from being with him right now is by shooting me," he boldly states. Rick studies him and weighs his options. Aaron goes to walk past Rick and Glenn, steps in front and stops him. He then turns to Rick, leans forward and uses a hushed tone. 

"Rick, he told us where the camp is. And he really was only traveling with one other person." Rick still doesn't look convinced and shifts his weight, leaning in toward the Korean man, "They're both unarmed, one of them's got a broken ankle. I want us to be safe, too." The air is thick and tense, Rick takes a heavy breath. "I can't give up everything else. I know what I said, but it does matter."

The noble man takes a physical step back, removing himself from the tension. "Alright." 

His eyes, they speak volumes. Rick's eyes constantly tell a story of what he has been through. Terminus, what it was, broke him. Thinking that you know what this world is capable of, being prepared for it and then it just surprises you again yet again. I watched that man tear another man's neck open with his teeth to protect his family, the only one he has left. Rick physically carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and in his eyes. His entire world is standing here, looking directly back at him for all the answers he doesn't have. Humanity is broken and we are all counting on the wisdom of a man that is figuring it all out alongside us. 

-

The RV broke down, it didn't make it. We're close to Alexandria though, Abraham is pissed looking at the engine. He slams his hand against the front of the RV.

"Can't win. Might as well paint it red, put a ladder on it."

"All we need is another battery," Glenn calmly suggests. 

"Where in the hell are we gonna find another battery?" 

"Right over here," Glenn walks around the side of the RV and opens a compartment under the stairs leading into it. 

"How'd you know those were there?" The only response Abraham receives is a 'come on' from Glenn. 

-

Eventually we make it, finally. Rick leads us in Aaron's car, slowing down and coming to a stop. All of us file out of the RV and look around. Walls, so high I have to look up to see the top, made up of sheet metal and wood. The road we were driving on leads straight up to the gates, which right now, are closed. Our weapons are at the ready but still point toward the ground. I have my pistol in my hand, scanning the area. Rick walks forward, holding his baby daughter. 

I'm not sure what to think, I mean if it is safe then I guess it's a good thing. But what is "safe" anymore? Anything can change in a split second.