Self Inflicted

34

He got like this sometimes. It was like a side of him that he hardly knew was there. Almost as if he blacked out when it happened. He was there again, throwing himself on top of me. 

"Please," I try turning my face away from his. "Please, stop. Jake, please stop." He presses his lips against mine and holds me down. Tears form in my eyes, and I try to look into his dark eyes, trying to make him see me—not just my body, but me. "Jake, this isn't you."

"You want this," he growls, and I shake my head and let the tears go. This happened often at night when we would sleep together; he would wake up with a vengeance if I hadn't given him what he wanted earlier. The worst part is that afterward, he always apologizes. It's like he knows he shouldn't but can't stop. 

He's undressing me now, and I'm trying to stop him. He holds my hand down while the other works at his task. "Jake, no!" My stomach knots, and I feel ill. 

"Shut up!" He grabs the back of my neck and the side of my face with his hand. 

There's a hand on me. I wake up yelling, throwing and shoving my hands at whoever is in front of me. "Luna!" he calls back. I'm sobbing and gasping for air, opening my eyes I find Daryl in bed in front of me. My hands are shaking as I pull one up to cover my mouth as I cry, shocked and remorseful. 

"I'm sorry," I choke out. Daryl pulls me to him and I lay my head on his chest. I cry some more, letting it all out on display. 

Eventually, I do stop crying but I don't move. "Who's Jake?" Shit. I could've said it was a nightmare, lied.

"He was my fiance," I sigh and sit up, I'm sure my face is puffy. Daryl's eyes seep of anger and guilt. 

"That happen a lot?"

"What? The dreams or what happened in them?" My head feels heavy and it's pounding, he waits for an answer. "I haven't had one in awhile, haven't slept good enough for a dream. But yeah, that happened a lot." He slowly nods and I can still see the anger. 

"I'm sorry," he takes me by surprise. "For that and for earlier."

"How long have you been in here?"

"I came in earlier but you were already asleep. Woke up to that." 

"I'm sorry, too. That you were here for that and that I made you think that all I wanted was sex." He almost seems embarrassed that we're talking about it. "But I don't. I don't expect anything from you." He does his best to avoid my eyes. 

"Shit, Daryl, you drive me crazy. If I wanted sex I'd definitely be looking somewhere else," I chuckle and he scoffs, letting a very small smirk across his face. 

"What do ya want?" I let out a big breath.

"Honestly, I don't know. It's not like we can go on a date and see what happens." I go over to him and straddle him. "I just know, that I really don't want to stop doing this." I lean in and kiss him, taking his face in my hands. His hands go to my hips. I stop kissing him but don't move. 

"Mmk." I sigh.

"Do you have any idea what you want?"

"Nah," he grumbles. 

"Daryl?" I shoot him a disappointed look. 

"If I didn't like it ya wouldn't be on top of me," he goes around the question and I smile. "Stop." I kiss him again, inhaling his scent as I do. 

"You drive me insane. I never stop thinking about you and when you kiss me, it makes me want to lose my mind." I really need some self control here, he's absolutely intoxicating. It's just so hard when someone this hot admits they like when you kiss them.