Self Inflicted

43

We made it through a night like this. We kept our light to a minimum and kept quiet. I tried to sleep but laying in the bed without Daryl just doesn't feel right. It smells like him still, like pine and musk. I never thought I'd enjoy a smell like that. 

I've been trying to keep myself distracted most of the day, helping with things here and there. I'm exhausted and I figured I'd grab something very small to eat. Thinking of Maggie who has not moved from the guard post all day, I get her some food. I walk up the post, climbing the ladder to the top where Maggie stands looking out past the walkers. "Hey," I stand next to her. 

"Hey." 

"I brought you some food," she starts to shake her head. "Don't you dare try to say no, take it. Now." 

"Thank you," she takes is gracefully. "Luna, can I tell you something?"

"Of course," I glance at the woman. Maggie is undeniably pretty, soft features and bright green eyes. Her hair is dark and pulled into a ponytail, a few pieces falling to frame her pale face.

"I'm pregnant," I think my knees almost buckle at her words. 

"Oh my God! Maggie!" I shriek and grab her, pulling her into a hug. "How long have you known?"

"A couple weeks," so she's still early. I wince, remembering. I have never told anyone but I had a child. I lost my baby boy when he was only two years old. It happened before. I've been trying my best to completely block it out since. Of course I still remember him, I loved him more than anything. His dad, not so much. His father was my fiance at the time, the one that treated me like shit. He and I split up when our son was only three months old. My son died on his watch. 

"You're early, wow. Well, Maggie, if you need anything just ask me. I know what it's like, it can be hard," she whips her head to look at me. 

"You had a child?" the words are like a slap in the face. I feel horrible. Maybe I should talk about him more, it just hurts so much. I gulp down the lump in my throat and nod. 

"It was before. I lost him a long time ago, he was two." 

"Oh, Luna. I'm so sorry," she reaches out her hand and sets it on my arm. 

"Don't worry about it, focus on you and your baby. That's amazing, Maggie. I'm so happy for you," I give her a small smile. I am happy, truly. It's just always hard. I look back over the wall, down at the walkers. They have not at all lost interest. They're all just staying here, waiting. They're all shoved up against each other, battling for the spot closest to the food source. 

"That's Glenn!" Maggie is yelling and pointing. I follow her hand to a few green balloons, floating through the air. "That's Glenn!"

Rick comes running up, standing on the ground with everyone else who heard Maggie shouting. I climb down to stand beside our leader. The green balloons continue to float away and everyone watches. "He said he'd give us a sign," I tell Rick, who shoots me a worried expression. 

"That could be anybody," he keeps his voice low so Maggie can't hear him.

"Yeah, it could be. But I bet it's not," I shake my head. 

Crack.

Snap.

To our left, wood is splintering and pushing in. Our eyes widen and I suck in a breath. The damn wall is coming down. "Everyone, get back!" I shout. There it goes, the wall falls. Walkers fall in on top of the wall, stumbling aimlessly to their feet. They begin to pour in from every open point, snarling and shoving against each other to get to us. I pull the sword off my back and Rick grabs his gun. 

"Get into your houses, go!" Rick is waving everyone to go. Deanna calls after Rick, walking forward. 

"You need to get back!" Rick walks up beside her. Deanna has her gun pointed at the ground as we walk toward the house. 

"We need to get back!" he shouts back at her. I shove one walker back and slice through another, we do our best to run forward. Fighting through. Gabriel joins with us too. 

"Back! Get back!" Deanna is yelling, she has multiple walkers in front of her. She shoots two but the last one continues coming, catching her off guard and she falls backward. Her leg ends up on a saw blade and blood pours onto her khaki pants. The walker lunges at her and she fights with it. One comes up to me and I kill it, dropping it. I kill a few more while Rick helps Deanna and then we keep moving. Fighting through and he helps her walk. 

Michonne runs up with her sword, joining us. "Rick!" we follow her over to a house where Jessie stands on the porch, waving us over. 

"Come on, I have Judith!" we all file in. I set my sword down and help Jessie shut the door. We move the couch in front of it and walkers slam against the outside of it, the door rattles against their attempts. We move some more furniture and take a step back, they have their heads against the windows and surrounding the house. We pull the blinds shut in a failed attempt to hide from them. 

Jessie instructs Rick to take Deanna upstairs to a spare bedroom and I follow closely behind him. I start grabbing towels and other things I need. "Jessie?" I shout and hear a 'yeah?' "Where's your first aide kit?" She comes running up the stairs with it, handing it off to me. 

"Thank you," she nods and heads back downstairs. I start working on Deanna's leg, luckily, it isn't deep so I can treat it. I start cleaning the wound out using a disinfectant, Deanna is hissing at me. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm almost done. Lucky for you, it's not deep." 

"Lucky me," she huffs. Rick walks into the room, hands on his hips. 

"How is she?" his voice is calm. I start wrapping up her leg with the bandage, I finish and set the remaining bandage down. 

"I just finished with her leg, but that seems to be the worst of it--" I was inspecting the rest of her side to see the damage and my hands freeze when I see it. A bite. Not deep, over the pain of her leg she probably didn't feel it with all the adrenaline. Deanna sees what we're looking at and lays her head back on the bed. 

"Well...Shit."

-

We've been monitoring Deanna for a fever, which is only increasing. She's extremely pale and covered in a thick layer of sweat. But she's laughing and smiling. Somehow. I'm wiping off my sword with a spare rag. There's shouting coming from the direction of the garage. Jessie and I make eye contact and she runs off with Rick, swearing they hear their sons in there. The shouting is only pissing the walkers off more, the door vibrates and rattles more. Jessie and Rick are yelling, their sons are yelling, and the walkers are hitting the windows. 

Rick and Jessie get the door open and the boys come in. They manage to shut the door and walkers are filing in the garage now. They knock over a sculpture in the garage and the metal clangs against the concrete. More and more fill the garage and push against us. Ron and Carl grab things to stack in front of the door. I hold my sword out, watching the front door with Michonne. Judith starts crying from upstairs and Rick goes off to get. For now, the doors will hold. 

Just at my thought, the doors seem to not want to hold. "Rick!" Jessie's yelling for him. He runs downstairs and they're breaking through the doors. I put my sword on my back and take off for the stairs. Michonne and Rick are last, grabbing the couch to use it as a blockade for the stairs. 

For now, it's all blocked. I don't even bother looking at it, right now, I sit with everyone else upstairs. Rick walks in dragging a body behind him of a walker. He drops the feet and legs quickly, looking at Jessie. "We're gonna need bed sheets, enough for everyone."

"Bed sheets for what?" her face scorns at his idea. 

"We all go to the armory." 

"How?" 

"We're gonna gut these things. Cover ourselves with the insides. It'll mask our smell, make them think we're like them. I've done it before. We stay calm, we don't draw attention, we can move right through them." Michonne notices their unsure faces. 

"They're in the house, they're making noise. More are coming." 

"It'll work," I confirm and pull out my sword, cutting straight down the middle of the walker's abdomen and deep, red blood follows.