Secrets || Lando Norris

069

Lando

Sleeping was never a basic necessity I excelled at. In fact, struggling with restlessness felt far easier rather than the opposite. I was used to having nightmares and waking up. During the summer it got better, for whatever reason, but recently it got worse again.

Lately it has become a normal routine to me; fall asleep, wake up fifteen minutes later, be awake and stare at the ceiling for hours before falling back asleep, and all that again.

I struggled to sleep again last night, tossing and turning as rest eluded me. Each hour felt like an eternity, my mind racing with thoughts I couldn't quiet. When I finally started to drift off, it was as if I fell into a shallow, uneasy slumber, haunted by dreams that left me more tired than before.

Slowly, I began to wake up, the fog of dreams lifting and the faint light of lanterns from outside filtering through the curtains of my new home. For a fleeting moment, I felt a warmth beside me, a familiar presence that brought a sense of comfort. My heart quickened as I thought she was there, almost feeling the touch of her skin, her signature scent of orange blossom and the softness of her hair against my bare back.

Turning around and reaching my hand out, expecting to feel her warmth, wanting to pull her closer. But my hand met only emptiness, the cold expanse of sheets a stark reminder of reality. The weight of disappointment settled over me as I fully awoke, the illusion shattered.

Elianna wasn't here, it was just a figment of my restless mind, a lingering ghost in the middle of the night.

Rubbing my eyes, frustration creeping up my spine, I sighed as I recalled every single moment that led to this. The fact how much I missed her never dawned on me as much as it did now. Comical that my nightmares would usually be about whole other things, but now it seemed Elianna would appear to be right beside me, and the fact that in reality she's not will haunt me.

Truth is that this felt worse than any of my other nightmares.

It was most likely my judgement silently telling me how much I fucked up, or how little I actually put into trying to save the situation between the two of us. Well, I didn't do anything to be fair, I only let it happen. I let her go. Something that I never would have thought would hurt so much, and how much would I actually feel it.

That was why I often found myself out in clubs with my friends and surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't even know nor remembered the names of. It didn't matter to me, I only wanted to forget and feel nothing again.

Was it working? Not really.

Pretending to be happy and content in front of everyone was a task I did well every time, however no one knew the reality. The real me, who would rather be at home, watch a show on the tv or even read a damn book. But most importantly, have her beside me. Just like in Tuscany, or just like the few days after and before all the shitstorm that happened in Monza or even before that, I suppose.

I know I fucked up. I fucked up so much that I doubt there's anything else that would ever compare to it. All I wanted to do was just try to get my mind off the entangled mess that was going on in my head after summer. I never meant it to be like this. Yes, I found myself among girls, led conversations, but never even thought of actually trying anything whilst I was in this fake relationship with Elianna. Truth to be told, at the beginning, I had these thoughts - blame it on the habits I used to have before everything. But as the time went on, the only girl that was on my mind constantly was Elianna.

Whatever went out on the internet was in reality me driving one of Pietra's friends around because Max and her were visiting and wanted me to get her friend from her house. But of course, the media made a mountain out of a molehill, completely twisting the situation.