An Inconvenient Flame

Chapter 49

I'm halfway through drafting an email consisting of my answer copies when a notification pops up in the corner of my laptop screen.

"A message for you, from you."

My fingers pause over the keyboard. It sounds familiar, but I can't place it immediately. Clicking on it, I see the sender's name it's me. 

And then I remember.

A letter.

Five years ago, I wrote a letter to my future self and locked it away, scheduled for delivery on this exact day.

A strange flutter of nerves rises in my chest as I move the cursor to open it.

I don't know what to expect. I can't even recall it's content.

My heart beats a little faster.

I click.

As my eyes scan the first few lines, a small, involuntary smile tugs at my lips.

"Hey Ishi,

It's around 1 am in morning. i was not feeling sleepy plus I came to know about this website so thought to try it out.

I'm full on smiling right now feeling too excited to draft one letter for my future self.

So how are you doing? I really, really hope you feel fulfilled, satisfied, and happy with what you have and what you've achieved till now. I hope you do. 

Please tell me you made it you got all that you wanted, at least part of the way because I swear, if you ever thought of giving up on what we dreamed of, I'm going to be so mad. 

Losing hope? Feeling like it's too much? Go check the diary. I've written down so many things we're going to do, so many plans. And I'm going to add more. Please do not disappoint me."

I let out a soft breath, my fingers gripping the edge of the laptop. There's something so innocent, so fiercely hopeful in these words. A version of me that still believed in possibilities, in herself.

I keep reading.

"And yaar, please tell me you finally found the love of your life. The kind of person who makes your heart feel full, not someone who just occupies space in your life.

A man who listens—really listens—not just nods along while waiting for his turn to speak. A man who doesn't make you feel small, who isn't intimidated by your ambitions, and who never, ever tries to dull your spark.

If he exists, and he's yours, I am so damn proud of you for not settling for anything less. Love you for that."

A quiet chuckle escapes me, my gaze flickering to the empty space beside me. I think I did get a man like I wanted to.

"But if you still haven't, that's okay too. No compromises, no tolerating nonsense, remember? No creeps, no misogynists, no settling for a guy who treats love like a transaction. I'll hate it too much if you do, so much disappointment. 

We're better off waiting than making a mistake, right? And if that means the vibrator is still the most consistent man in your life, well... we always knew reliability was rare."

A startled laugh bursts from my lips. Oh god. I was so blunt.

My past self really held nothing back.

I grin, I was soo hopeful back then. No matter how I felt about so many things about my life back then, but I truly believed that the best will happen to me.

I sigh, leaning back slightly.

I stare at the screen, rereading the last paragraph. Love.

Well... it takes time. It always has for me. It doesn't come in waves, crashing and overwhelming.