An Inconvenient Flame

Chapter 51

Hey people...New chapter here. Sorry for the delay...i was really stuck with the plot plus thanks to my internals, have one test on Monday as well. I was really struggling with what to write and was not much motivated as well. 

So whatever I have written in this chapter I hope you'll like it. It's decent.

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Morning spills into the room in soft, golden streaks. The curtains shift slightly with the morning crisp breeze. 

The warmth of the bed, the slow rise and fall of Abhiraj's breathing beside me, the silence makes me close my eyes in comfort.

But I instantly open my eyes. 

Today is Choti Holi. We'll have to leave for his parents home soon.

I take a slow breath, carefully shifting out of bed without making a sound. 

I make my way to the bathroom, to freshen up. There's packing to do. A whole day of travel ahead. 

I should freshen up quickly, but I take a look at myself in the mirror.

 A whole lot of guests are going to come. As it's first holi after his dadi's demise.

And for the first time in a long while, I actually look at myself. Like in a serious sense.

I lean a bit closer.

My skin... it looks darker than before. The usual pale brown shade has darkened. It looks dull, uneven. 

My face looks more fuller, rounder...almost swollen. My lips, naturally pigmented, stand out, and not in a way I like.

I press them together, but that doesn't change anything.

I frown.

I look... ugly.

Maybe I've been too busy. Studies, responsibilities, Ivaan... there's always something more important.

But standing here now, taking in every detail, I wonder if I've just been avoiding looking at myself altogether.

Because maybe, deep down, I knew I wouldn't like what I'd see.

I drop my hand and look away.

There's no time for this.

I don't look good. 

My fingers brush over my jawline, trailing up to my cheek. The skin is still soft, smooth, but their is unevenness in the skin tone.

My pores seem too large, my complexion too patchy. Plus my features they are average only, doing nothing to overlook the dullness. 

I can't even remember the last time I did anything to care for my skin, my hair.

Carelessness? 

I've never been someone who obsesses over looks, all i preferred was to make myself look healthy.

But now, staring at myself, I feel... inadequate.

I drop my hand and look away, swallowing against the tightness in my throat. Everyone is going bitch about my looks.

There are so many of his relatives who haven't even met me yet.

I exhale sharply, and again look back at my reflection. The thought creeps in before I can stop it.

Abhiraj.

I can't help but compare. 

He's always effortlessly put-together. Even in the early mornings, with sleep still clinging to his face, he looks... gorgeous, refined.