FEEL

49. Adomania

Adomania ~ the sense that the future is arriving ahead of schedule

~ The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows ~

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The end of the world as we know it. How would that look?

A religious prophet would predict it to be the coming of Christ. Bells would ring, angels would sing, all of those who had lived a righteous path would be saved and taken into heaven. Doubters would be left to roam the earth while the Devil made it his home. It would be hell for those remaining.

A scientist would argue that it would be the ozone layer crumbling, the sun descending into earth and evoking fire in its wake. The tectonic plates would shift out of place and earthquakes would shake the world. Lightening would smite us, but our true doom will be our own savagery in the midst of it all.

The end of my world came today. It was much sooner than I expected, then again, nobody expects the end of the world to ever really come. Deep down, I knew that Cameron and I would never be together, meaning another woman being in the picture was inevitable. Inevitable, yet still somehow unforeseen.

The foreboding should have striked me when an unfamiliar lady was standing right in front of our apartment's parking space. I stood at the balcony, which was a few meters to the right on the highest floor, looking mainly at the setting sun in the cityscape. His T-shirt embraces my body, short sleeves touching my elbows while the hem just barely covered my thighs. This same shirt that sags on my body holds him tighter than a woman at his mercy.

His car comes downhill, ascending into the neighborhood with the orange light of the setting sun hitting its shiny black surface. Until now, I've never seen it dirty. I have a feeling I never will.

I watch it, like I always do, with my heart thudding restlessly in my chest. Our moment in the car just a few hours ago flashes in my mind and my body becomes something sort of insane. Desperation, I realize is what it is. At this point, I am yet to notice the young lady, still too engrossed in his car as it enters the apartment complex. When he parks at its spot, is when I notice her.

I notice her because she rises from the pole she was leaning on and starts towards the driver's door. I frown as he cuts the engine. Doesn't get out.

From here, I can make out a head of hazelnut curls falling down her backside, touching just where her shoulder blades line her back. She's wearing a pencil skirt, neat blouse and black heels. Must be an office lady of the sort, I presume. Or maybe an old colleague. It doesn't really matter what she is, just what she wants from him.

I find out soon when she taps on his window and he draws open the door and exits. A short conversation transpires between them. One where she's being a tad too comfortable with him, standing a tad too close and putting her hands on him a tad too much.

That alone was enough to put me at unease, a subtle foreboding collaborating with a bitter sensation at the pit of my stomach. I think myself foolish at first for having such feelings. It's just one woman speaking to him, it didn't mean anything. She could have been a former colleague or an old friend...

But such thoughts drift off when they close the distance between each other and kiss. In broad daylight, my entire world comes shattering down. I feel it in the soar ache in my chest, in the painful weakening of my knees, the burn in my eyes.

I can't move. I'm frozen in place, my eyes glued to the treturous sight, unable to turn away. The moment must have been a few seconds, but it feels like centuries. I should have had my eyes gauged out before I took sight of such blasphemy. I should have been burnt alive before I had to feel what I was right now.