you're such a dream to me...
not your typical love story.
inspired by Ariana Grande's r.e.m & the movie Baby Driver.
Chris Brown story ❤️
i suck at descriptions but the story speaks for itself. I PROMISE!
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Date: November 17th Time: 5:33 PM Location:Blaze's Apartment
"I got so used to the changes Moving from stranger to strangest You should face it I am crazy."
I was going to make myself sick at this rate.
Leaning over the kitchen counter, my elbows pressed into the cold marble, I tapped my screen again, refreshing my email for what had to be the hundredth time. Still nothing. My stomach twisted itself into knots, my fingers gripping my phone so tight my knuckles ached, but I couldn't stop. Every few minutes, I hit refresh, as if somehow, some way, the results would magically appear, and I could breathe again.
No new messages.
A frustrated breath pushed past my lips, my leg bouncing beneath me. It had been a week. A whole week of waiting, of barely sleeping, of feeling like my entire life was on pause until I knew. A week of pushing Blaze away when I should've been pulling him closer. I could feel him watching me lately, his eyes lingering like he was trying to figure out what went wrong, why I suddenly felt a thousand miles away after we had been doing so good.
I swallowed against the lump forming in my throat, rubbing my fingers over my temples, trying to keep my thoughts from spiraling. I kept telling myself I was overthinking, that this was just routine, that everything would be fine. But no matter how many times I tried to convince myself, I wasn't convinced.
The truth was, I didn't know if I had been safe every time. I didn't even know if they had been. I had numbed myself so much during those forced interactions, done everything I could to disconnect, to be anywhere but there, that I didn't always remember the details. I had no way of knowing if they had all used protection like they were supposed to. I had no way of knowing if one mistake was already inside of me, waiting to destroy me from the inside out.
That's why I had to get tested. That's why, even though I had barely left the apartment since everything happened, I had forced myself to walk outside, to get in that car, to let Blaze take me to that clinic because I needed to know.
Travis had sworn all of my tests came back clean, even showing me results like that meant anything. But how the hell was I supposed to believe him? I couldn't trust the words that came out of his mouth. I couldn't even trust the ground I walked on when he was around.
If something came back wrong... if I opened that email and saw even one red flag, I would have no one to blame but myself.
The heaviness in my chest pressed harder, the pressure of it making my ribs ache. It wasn't just the results I was scared of. It was what it would mean if they weren't what I hoped. It was the thought of having to sit with it, process it, accept it because there wouldn't be anyone else to blame. This was my mess. My consequence, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to deal with that.
