Abandoned

chapter thirty-three.

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Justin

"What? That was you?"

"Yep. All me." Ray laughed in response. We'd been laying here for over an hour, talking about just about everything and waiting for midnight to arrive.

Freshman year someone pulled this great prank on a teacher and no one ever found out who did it, and she'd just told me it was her. She never failed to surprise me or make me laugh.

"When did you become such a badass?" I grinned, peering down at her. It was dark, but the moonlight lit her features in the most perfect way.

"At birth." She shrugged. I laughed as she lifted her head from my chest and turned so she could see me. I couldn't help the smile that stayed on my face as I kissed her lips once.

"Are you cold?" I asked her, noticing that she only had on a cardigan over her dress.

"A little." She nodded.

I pulled another blanket I'd brought out of the bag as Ray sat up next to me. Once I draped it around the both of us she pulled the corner of it into her as she leaned up against me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Thank you."

"Of course." I kissed the top of her head.

"Not just for this, or for tonight. For everything." She placed a hand on my chest, sending a shiver through me from her touch, and lifted her head once more to look at me. "I mean, I've never really mattered to anyone before, so..." she trailed off a little, shifting her eyes to the ground.

"Hey," I frowned slightly, unsure where any of this was coming from. I wanted tonight to be about making her as happy as possible, and I don't know what I did to make her upset.

I placed my hand on the side of her face, encouraging her to look at me as I started to move my thumb slowly across her cheekbone, admiring the entirety of how perfect she was.

"Of course you matter. So, so much." I said as softly as possible, nearly whispering. "Nothing's ever mattered more to me than you." I breathed out, and it was true.

I've known since the day I got that panic attack how much I needed her. I guess I have for a long time, but that day the realization hit me right in the face. The feeling that I need her with me in order to survive, and that I need to know that she's okay and happy, always.

I could clearly see how much my words affected her by the way her eyes seemed to light up as she processed them. Though she does a good job at hiding it, I know how insecure she can be at times. How much what's happened in her life has affected the way she sees the world and sees herself. But now, I think all she's ever needed was someone to show her how deserving she actually is of happiness, and I plan to be that person.

She took me off guard when she suddenly wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug and nearly knocking me over. I slid my own arms around her waist, pulling her even closer to me. Seconds later a chant started among the other people sprawled out across the grass. Everyone had started counting down the seconds until the new year.

Ray pulled away, but kept her arms hung loosely around me. She was wearing a genuine smile when she looked at me, easily causing my expression to mirror hers.

"Ten!"

I reached up, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and leaving my hand lingering there.