Abandoned

chapter four.

I got a nightmare that night about mom. It was fuzzy, but I remember seeing her in the kitchen of our old apartment, a razor in her hand as she sliced her arms up. Rose was there, screaming and crying, begging her to stop it.

I woke up sweating and breathing heavy at midnight, then couldn't go back to sleep. I left the room and walked downstairs, sliding the back door open as quiet as possible and stepping onto the back porch.

It was dark, so I jumped when I saw movement over by the porch swing.

"Hello?" All I could see was shadows.

"Ray?" It was Justin. I let out a breath I had been holding in.

"Yeah, you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry." He laughed.

"I'll just go back, I didn't know anyone was out here." I said, turning back to the door.

"No, you can sit. I don't mind."

"Okay," I said, sitting in a seat near his. The view wasn't great, just some woods and a few stars, but the air felt nice.

"Can't sleep?" He asked.

"Nope."

"Me neither."

"Nightmares." I shrugged even though he couldn't see me.

"'Bout what?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said automatically like it was my mouth's wired response. He laughed again.

"You're such a mystery, Rayna Kay." I could picture him smirking, and was a little taken back by his use of my full name, which I can't remember when the last time that I told anyone was.

"How do you know my middle name?"

It was silent for a few moments. Maybe he shrugged, but realized I couldn't see him. "I just remember."

"Oh."

"Want to know something funny?" He said after a minute or two of no talking and just looking out at the few lonely stars.

"I don't know, do I?"

"I used to have the biggest crush on you back in grade school." He laughed and I did, too. Something about it being so late took away my energy to constantly keep a guard up.

"I can't imagine why." I said, recalling my constant ratty hair and torn up clothes when I was young. If I remember correctly I wasn't a cute kid, or teenager, or human in general.

"You were a tiny little badass, with your long hair and boots, and you didn't take anyone's shit. Even when you were six." He said and I smiled. "I was too scared to talk to you so I settled with throwing french fries at your head."

"So that explains that, then." I said.

"Yep." He said and there was another comfortable silence. It's surprising we've talked for this long without one of us trying to kill the other.

"I never had any crushes, but maybe you would have been mine if I did." I said, pulling my knees into my chest. I wanted to say that I have never had the time to have friends, let alone boyfriends. Even in elementary school I was sneaking food from the cafeteria or hiding from my mom and her drunk boyfriends, trying to get good grades so that no one had a reason to be mad at me.

"Why not? You were too busy starting your underground drug business?" He joked.

"Something like that."

The conversation was basically over then, and I ended up being able to get a few hours of sleep. I was relieved when Justin and I returned to our regular routine of ignoring each other the next day. It was like our little midnight convo never happened.