Abandoned

chapter twenty-five.

Once Justin finally left with Rose, I sat down on the couch with his laptop he let me borrow. It had taken another forty-five minutes to get them out the door after Justin walked into the kitchen to discover a huge clump of play dough stuck in Rose's hair.

Justin yelling for me and then me getting frustrated with Rose led to a huge meltdown and panic from her about becoming bald. We spent a good twenty minutes trying to pick the gunk out the ends of her hair, but I ended up cutting off a few inches. You would of thought that I actually shaved her head with the way she reacted.

I got the bright idea to show Rose her old bear that I'd snagged from the apartment, which did the trick in perking her up. They left then, and now I was on an online hunt for an apartment.

I started searching for apartments in the area that were somewhat affordable. I really had no idea what I could afford. I honestly had no idea how I was going to do any of this. In the past few years I've had to grow up a lot, but I don't feel ready to be an adult at all.

After forty minutes of searching and coming up with nothing, I sighed and shut the computer. My thoughts drifted to earlier this morning and I automatically blushed. Pattie finding me sleeping in Justin's bed had been embarrassing as hell, but it was worth it for getting to see Justin blush when she was talking about 'little baby Justin's running around.' Ha.

I pulled up a countdown app on my phone to check the days until my birthday. 34 days. Just over a month. I breathed in deeply and nodded. I can make it. I'm going to make it.

Checking the app again, I realized that Christmas is in just a few days. How did that happen? So I went out to my car, collecting all of the presents and taking them up to the guest room to wrap them.

As I picked up Justin's gift I sighed, not sure if I even wanted to give it to him anymore. He has been being really nice to me lately... too nice. I don't want him getting the wrong idea. Hell, I don't want myself getting the wrong idea. What even was the right idea again?

My brain felt all jumbled up. I can't let myself acknowledge what I'm feeling... how I'm feeling. I can't let myself fall for Justin. It would never work... destined to blow up in my face. But what if I already had?

I groaned, ripping a piece of wrapping paper and forcing my train of thought in another direction. Of course, that other direction was thinking about my mother and what I'd discovered. That she'd planned on abandoning us before it ended up happening anyway. When running away to Cali was interrupted by getting evicted, she opted to just off herself instead. How motherly. I laughed.

The door to the bedroom creaked open then, and Rose popped her head in. I hadn't even heard them get home.

"Ah! Don't come in! Unwrapped presents." I yelled, but my voice sounded a little strange to myself. I reached up and felt wetness under my eyes. I thought I'd been laughing, not crying.

I finished the last present and wiped the tears off my cheeks, feeling dumb for crying them at all. I shoved the boxes under the bed and threw on my boots and leather jacket. I needed to get the hell out of here.

I grabbed my keys off the banister, calling Rose's name. I asked her how ice cream was and told her I'd be back soon. Upon her whining, I promised to watch 'The Little Mermaid' tonight.

I wasn't surprised when Justin asked me where I was going.

"Out." Was all I said. "Don't wait up."

I hurried out of the driveway, seeing that it was still pretty early in the day. I drove downtown and parked in a garage, walking to the closest diner and ordered a milkshake.