SKYFALL, Johnny Kavanagh

Broken hearts

Maeve's Point of View

I shouldn't have felt this calm.
Not after everything.
Not after the phone call.

Not after breaking down in Johnny's arms like some fragile little thing – like someone who needed to be held.
But I did.

Like for the first time in days, I wasn't bracing myself for the next hit.

And that was terrifying.
Because if I let myself feel safe, even for a second, it would hurt so much worse when it was ripped away.

Johnny was focused, eyes on the screen, his hand curled loosely around the remote as if he was just waiting for me to complain about the length.

I didn't.
Because all I could focus on was the way he looked in the soft glow of the TV screen.

The sharp line of his jaw.
The steady rise and fall of his chest.

The way he exhaled slowly, shoulders finally dropping, like he was settling, too.

Like me being here – like me just existing next to him – was enough to make him breathe easier.
I stared at him.

And it hit me.
Oh.
I'm falling in love with him.

It wasn't a slow realization.
Wasn't something I had to think about.
Wasn't something I could deny.

It crashed into me like a truck, knocking the breath from my lungs, forcing me to grip my sleeves even tighter to keep myself from reaching for him.

I was in love with him.
I was in love with Johnny Kavanagh.

I had fallen in love with a boy who had no idea.

A boy who would leave in the summer.
A boy who had a whole life waiting for him outside of this – outside of me.

And I had been so stupid to let it happen.

I turned my head back toward the screen, forcing my breathing to stay even.
I had to shove it down.
Had to bury it.

Because boys like Johnny didn't stay.
Because boys like Johnny were never meant to be mine.

And I had already lost too much to lose this, too.
So I swallowed hard, ignored the lump in my throat, and let my head rest against the back of the couch.

Because for now, just for now, I could pretend.
I could pretend this was something I could keep.
I could pretend I wasn't already breaking my own heart.