Shauna Diaries

The talk

  Ray got home around 2 a.m that morning and I was pissed! I hadn't heard from him since we got home, no text or call. I knew it was because he was with Shanterrica and honestly I had forgot all about that bitch I thought she lost the baby or something. My girl Meeka told me her sister waiting to catch me slipping but I'm not scared of neither one of them hoes, I'm ready for us to finally meet. I personally feel that Ray chooses them over me and if this is how it's going to be for the rest of our relationship I would rather be single.
   When he came in the room he tried to be quiet because he thought I was sleep. He went to his side of the bed and put his car keys, wallet, and phone on the night stand and went to the bathroom. When I heard the shower cut on I hopped up and grabbed his phone. With me being in the hospital and us arguing we haven't been having sex at all and if I'm not giving it to him somebody else is. I unlocked his phone and went straight to his him and Shanterrica's messages and began reading.

Him: It was good seeing you and Lil Ray 2day.

Her: It was good seeing you too, I'm just ready to get back home.

Him: Me too I hate hospitals and I been hungry lately.

Her: Your wife can't cook?

Him: She do a lil some some but I wasn't talking about food lol

Her: I just caught on lol you won't be tasting this anymore sir you better ask your wife.

Him: But I'm craving Shan though.

Her: It's not happening so keep dreaming.

Him: You know dreams do come true right?

Her: I'm feeding your son goodbye Raynold.

Him: Alright I'll let you get to it, goodnight I love both of y'all.

Her: We love you too.

  I got so deep into the messages I didn't even hear Ray open the bathroom door.

"So you going through my phone Shauna?" he said walking over to me and snatching the phone out my hand.

"What does it matter? I'm about to be your wife you shouldn't hide anything from me!" I said getting up and walking into the bathroom, I had to change the bandage that was on my head from when I got shot.

"You should trust me!"

"How can I trust you when you been hiding shit from me? You still fucking Shanterrica! I mean I kind of knew that before I went through your phone, but really Ray?!" I said returning to the room and sitting on the bed.

"That don't even matter right now what matters is us that's all Shauna."

"Don't you think you fucking other bitches matters in this relationship? We fucking engaged and you still doing the same shit!"

"My son came into this world today and you never asked me about that. Do you even care?"

"Ray don't go there! You trying to flip all this around on me but you can't because you didn't even text or call me all day! That's how you act when you around her? I'm about to be your wife I'm suppose to come before her!"

"NOBODY will come before them!"

"Oh really? Well you find somebody else to marry, matter of fact marry that bitch so she can come first for real, there go a family for yo ass!"

   I put on my shoes, grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I always kept a suitcase with clothes in my trunk so I didn't even have to pack anything.

"So you leaving now? Every time something happens you just leave you never can talk!" Ray said standing in the doorway with nothing but his boxers on.

"Fine, you wanna talk? Let's talk then."

   I walked back into the house and sat on the couch, Ray followed behind me. At this point I didn't even want this anymore, I didn't want to deal with Shanterrica and I damn sure wasn't ready to be somebody's "step mama". Everything was just happening so fast and I was caught in the middle of it all, I started to ask myself was he really worth it?

"I wanna start off by saying yes, I been fucking Shan behind your back for months now but it's only because we been having problems. You always with your friends and I'm always working and in the midst of it all I got close to her." Ray said sitting down.

"So when we into it you feel like it's okay for you to have sex with somebody else? You don't respect me Ray!"

"Yes I do but you can't get mad at me you knew the kind of nigga you fell in love with!"

"Oh so now you cheating is my fault? You amaze me Ray, you really do. You never can man up and change for me! Maybe we just need a break to see if this really what we want because I'm questioning our whole relationship right now."

"I knew you would say that I was just getting ready for it. I'm not about to keep chasing you everywhere, dropping everything for you and begging you to be here you can go! Fuck it!"

"And fuck you too! I'm done!"

   I walked out the house, got in my car and drove to Meeka's house. She was my closest friend and she gives the best advice.