Shauna Diaries

Cutting Ties

My mind couldn't process the thought of Lee cheating on me with a man, shit I couldn't even process the thought of him cheating on me at all. The tears that fell from my eyes burned like acid on my face. I couldn't face the betrayal and hurt that I was feeling in that moment. It got to the point where I couldn't even cry anymore I just felt a sharp pain in my heart that caused me to have a headache. Ray had already done so much to me that hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. He cheated, lied, and abused the love that I had for him. Now I lay here three months pregnant with a broken heart. The only two men I've ever loved did nothing but hurt me until there is nothing left.

"Shauna open this door!!" Lee yelled banging on my condo's door.

"No, all of your stuff is right in front of you so there's nothing left for us to talk about." I said walking away from the door.

"What did I do? Is this apart of mood swings from the baby?"

"There is no baby anymore Lee. I got rid of everything that involved you!" I said as a tear fell down my cheek.

"You killed our baby? Shauna.. Ho-how could you? I fucking loved you, you killed our seed!"

"And you could have killed me! Thank the lord I stopped having sex with you after I found out I was pregnant."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look in the envelope in the zipper of your suitcase."

    I heard him unzip his suit case and the envelope rattled in his hands as he opened it. After a long pause I heard his back hit the door as he sobbed like a baby. I walked towards the door considering opening it because this was the man that I loved in pain. Once my hand touched the door knob I jumped back as if it burnt me, it was like reality hit as soon as I touched it. Why would I let a man that hurt me and put my life in danger for his own selfish needs back in my life? He wasn't thinking about me, his child, or how Lance was feeling. This whole situation made me think about Shanterrica and how I was so mad at her, so determined to prove to her that Ray loved me and not her that I didn't realize he was hurting BOTH of us! I was so mad at her, but shit she wasn't in a relationship with me, she didn't owe me anything Ray is the one that owed me that.

    The abortion hurt my soul, it felt like I was ripping my heart right out of my chest. I knew I couldn't have that child, not because I was mad, but because of the situation it would have to be born into. Of course me and Lee would not be together, but Lee would still be living his double life, leading the example that pretending to be something that you aren't is okay. I don't want that for my child, I want my children to know that their momma and daddy and 100% real.

3 Months Later

  "What you know about sex toys Shauna?" I heard a familiar voice ask me as I was organizing the top shelf on the body oils aisle. I turned around and saw Ray standing there.

"How did you find out where I worked?" I asked getting pissed because I thought he was done trying to hunt me down.

"That's not answering my question Shauna. I guess you could know a lil some some, I mean you was a hoe getting it in them streets at one point in time so ain't no telling what kind of freaks you was fucking with. You do remember that don't you? You remember where you come from right?"

"Yeah I remember that Ray. Do you remember that down ass bitch you had riding for you? Remember her? The one that gave you her heart and soul just to receive nothing but a broken heart in return? You didn't forget you lost the best thing that ever happened to you right?"

"Yeah I remember Shanterrica. How could I forget my ride or die?" Ray said laughing.

"Fuck you Ray, get the fuck out of my store." I said walking behind the counter.

"Is that what you say to your paying customers?"

"Your money ain't good here Ray."

"That might be the case, but is this good here?" He asked as he pulled a box out of his pocket and sat it on the counter. Before I could say anything he walked out of the door.