Brothers (Phan)

4

I awoke the next morning and found Phils arms wrapped around my waist. I smiled at this action, even though he was doing it subconsciously. He stirred and retracted his arms and tossed and turned until his back was facing me. A few minutes later he sighed and sat up. And let me tell you, Phil Lesters bed head is hot as fuck. He reached over me and grabbed his glasses and put them on. He focused on me and smiled. He began to say something but suddenly looked shocked and slapped a hand over his mouth. Through his hand he muffled out what sounded like "Morning breath, be right back." He stood up and walked out as I laughed. He walked back in with blue foam around his lips and his toothbrush clenched between his teeth. He pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth. "Don't laugh, asshat. It's not funny it's gross" He walked back out and returned a few minutes later all cleaned up and his contacts in. He set his glasses down on his nightstand and held out his hand to pull me up. "Let's go make breakfast." I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up and made his way to the kitchen. He threw open a few cabinets and grabbed things to make cereal. He poured himself a bowl and then handed the box to me. I made mine and followed him to the table where we ate in silence. We set our bowls in the sink and went into the living room. Phil turned on the tv and flopped onto the couch. I sat down on the couch as far away from him as I could get. We watched whatever it was he turned on in an awkward silence. I kept sneaking side glances at him, he looked so cute when he was focused on what he was watching. He sat up when the doorbell rang abruptly through his apartment. He stood up and told me to wait here. I tried to pay attention to what he had on the tv. He returned a few minutes later in a state of shock, an unreadable expression on his face. He sat down and stared straight ahead. "I have to leave," I turned toward him and asked him what he meant. "The owner came by and told me that without Joey paying part of the bill, I can't afford to stay here unless I get another way to pay. I'm screwed. I'm going to have to move in with dad." I placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, it's okay, this won't be a bad thing." He buried his head in his hands and frowned. "I need to go visit him, how about we go talk to him and then I'll drop you off at home?" I nodded and he walked into his room and returned with clean clothes on and something for me to wear. I went into his bathroom and changed my clothes quickly. I looked at myself, Phil was right, I do look good in his clothes. I walked back out, turning the light off behind me. I quietly shuffled back into the lining room and found Phil bent over tying his shoes. I stared for a minute, then walked out and then walked back in loudly. He stood up and glanced at me. "Ready to go?"I grinned, "Get me out of my mind."

**TRIGGER WARNING. (Maybe?? I dunno how these things work on here) I'll type this way again when it's safe**

I grabbed my phone and slid it into my pocket. He pulled the door open and stepped out of the way as I walked through. He followed me out and locked it behind him. We walked down the stairs, making small talk until we got to Phils car. He started it up and and clicked the radio on. It was halfway through a song I had never heard. Phil stared down at his lap silently. "What's wrong, Phil?" I asked him as a single tear ran down his face. "Oh, it's nothing." I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and leaned closer toward him. He whispered "I used to listen to this song all the time after my mum died." His voice cracked "I tried to kill myself." My eyes widened, unsure what to say. "Repeatedly." He said even quieter. He suddenly sat up straighter. "BUT NOTHING FUCKING WORKED!" He slammed a fist on the dashboard before crumpling up in his seat and sobbed. I re-laced my arms around him as he cried into my shoulder. I listened to the song playing quietly in the background.
"How come no one heard her when she said, 'Maybe I'm better of dead. If I was, would it finally be enough, to shut out all the voices in my head? Maybe I'm better off dead, better off dead. Did you hear a word, hear a word I said? This is not where I belong, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.'"
I realized that this probably wasn't a good thing for him to hear right now, so I clicked the radio off. Phil wiped his tears and sat up, then began to undo his belt. "Uh....Phil?" He shook his head and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He yanked them down fluently and pointed down at his thighs. I glanced down to see deep, ugly, red scars littering his legs. Some of them looked fairly recent, as if they were done yesterday. At least seven were oozing through wet bandages, obviously from this morning. He hid his face behind his hands and tried to stifle his sobs. "Oh...Phil." I whispered almost silently as I ran my fingers down some of the older ones. I mentally counted all of them-at least 43 on each leg, but it was hard to count some of them that were so close together, or the oldest ones that were so faded they just looked like thin white lines. "Why did you do these recent ones?" He shook his head, "I don't know, it's just become a habit." I didn't know what to say to him. How do you respond to that kind of thing? He slid his pants up carefully with a hiss of pain. I patted his back as he leaned on me and sobbed. We sat in that silence for about half an hour, then he dried his eyes and sat up straight. He began to back out of the parking lot, trying to avoid much eye contact with me. He clicked the radio back on, some other song I didn't know was playing.
OKAY HOMESQUAD, YOURE GOOD NOW

We sat in silence for the rest of the drive, not even really looking at each other. It was hella awkward. Finally we pulled up at Phils childhood home again, I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to get myself into. I hope this all goes well for Phil.

Authors note: I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS TAKING SO LONG! My phone completely shattered to the point where I could only see colored lines, and I didn't get my new one until yesterday night. Since I made you wait so long, I plan on writing and posting the next chapter tonight/tomorrow. I love you guys, Peace out Homesquad