An alarm blared as y/n walked across the prison cafeteria and decided to sit alone at an empty table.
Maura Figgis walked towards y/n, as you instantly recognised her from pictures.
"Hey, fake/last/name. I hear you can smuggle in crap from outside" said Maura.
"That's right. What d'you want?" asked y/n.
"What I want is for you to back the hell off because I'm the only store in this prison" said Maura threateningly.
Panic immediately filled your mind as Maura and her group of inmates walked away from you across the cafeteria.
--------------------------
The door to the doctor's office opened and you walked in.
"Hey, what's going on? I was talking to Figgis and then the guard came over and said I had an appointment. I'm not supposed to check in until tomorrow. People might get suspicious" said y/n, looking confused at Jake and Charles.
"Look, we called you in because your first contact with Figgis was a disaster" explained Jake.
"Why? Because our plan backfired and she threatened to kill me?" asked y/n.
"Yes, every single detail of what you just said. We need a new plan" said Jake.
"And I've got one" said y/n. "I need to step to her."
"What? Y/n, this isn't High School Musical" said Jake.
"Yeah, y/n, this isn't High School Musical 2" said Charles.
"Yeah, this isn't High School Musical 3: Senior Year. Point is, it's not High School Musical" said Jake.
"That's right" said Charles.
"OK - no stepping to her. I got it" y/n said.
"Figgis is seriously dangerous. She's killed more people in prison than she did on the outside" explained Jake.
"I know! And if I back down now, she'll never respect me and I won't the information we need from her, meaning we'll be getting nowhere with the other Figgis. Trust me, I've got this" said y/n.
"OK, I can see that logic, but in the interest of keeping you as un-shanked as possible, I think maybe we need a signal in case things go south" said Jake.
"Ooh, I know. Scratch your butt" suggested Charles.
"No, that's no good. What if her butt itches for real?" asked Jake.
"I think I can handle it. As a rule, I do not scratch my butt in public" said y/n.
"y/n" said Jake and Charles simultaneously. "Come on."
"All right" said y/n, turning to leave the doctor's office.
"Never? y/n/n, come on" said Jake.
"Come on" said Charles as the door shut behind y/n.
----------------------------
Y/n walked over to Maura Figgis in the gym. "Hey. Give me those twenty-pounders."
"Wait your turn, Baby-Sitters Club" said Maura angrily.
"No weight lifting" said Jake, running into the gym. "You can shoot that baby across the room."
He grabbed y/n by the shoulders and took her out of the gym and into the doctor's office.
"What's going on? I was trying to make progress with her, and then you jumped in out of nowhere and ruined it" said y/n, annoyed.
"I know, but it wasn't a good time" Jake said. "She was holding a twenty-pound weight. That's basically Thor's hammer, babe."
"I can handle this myself" said y/n angrily.
"Cool, yeah. Just, you know, don't confront her when she's armed" said Jake.
"Fine" said y/n, turning towards the door and leaving.
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The next day, y/n walked into the doctor's office again. "Seriously? She was at lunch and didn't have a weapon!"
"She had a fork! That's like four tiny shivs on a stick" said Jake.
--------------------
A few days later, y/n walked into the doctor's office again. "What the hell, Jake?"
"Socks are just a noose waiting to be braided" said Jake.
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A week later, y/n walked into the doctor's office. "She was alone, her hand's were empty and I think she was napping. So what was the big threat this time?"
"You did the signal" said Jake. "You scratched your butt. Right, Boyle?"
"Uh, I don't know. I was focused on her waddle. Which you are nailing, by the way" said Charles.
"Thank you, Charles" said y/n, before turning to Jake. "Well, I know for a fact that I didn't scratch my butt because my right cheek was actually itchy and I fought through it. I know what's really going on here. You don't want me around all these dangerous criminals because you don't think that I'll be able to get the information from Figgis."
"OK, you know what? Fine, you're right, I don't. But it's only because Maura is so much more terrifying that we anticipated. I mean, she has a full back tattoo of herself stabbing a guy" said Jake.
"He looks like Tom Hanks" said Charles.
"Yeah, and that's America's male sweetheart" said Jake.
"I can't believe this. You wouldn't be telling Rosa this, so why are you telling be this?" asked y/n, placing her hands on her hips.
"Well, yeah, because she's Rosa. I mean, one time, I saw her eat a whole apple using a knife, just like in the movies" said Jake.
"What, you want me to eat a whole apple using a knife like they do in the movies just so you'll believe that I can get the information we need from Figgis?" asked y/n. "And that apple thing was three years ago. Get over it."
"I know, it was just so cool. Look, I'm your handler, all right? You just have to trust me on this. My job is to keep you safe. It's the right call" said Jake.
"Fine, I will slow-play" said y/n in an exasperated tone. "But, people are getting suspicious so you can't come running in every time I'm in the same room as her, OK?"
"Yeah, OK" said Jake, sighing. "Are we good?"
"Yeah, we're good" said y/n.
"This is so sweet. Now kiss her belly" said Charles, nudging Jake.
"Boyle!" y/n and Jake said simultaneously.
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A few days later, at lunch, y/n was talking to Figgis and shoved her into a trolley full of empty lunch trays.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?" asked Figgis.
"Showing my baby how an ass gets kicked" said y/n angrily.
A prison guard jumped in and grabbed Figgis by her arms as Jake ran and grabbed y/n by the arms. "All right, fake/last/name, time for your check-up."
Y/n sighed. "No thank you, I feel fine."
"No, you don't" said Jake. "It's your uterus. It's gonna explode."
"What?"
"Come with me" said Jake, steering y/n out of the cafeteria. "Stand back, everyone. You're all in the splash zone. This ute's gonna boot. Here we go."
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader S3&4
Fanfiction"We kissed, like, three hours ago" said Jake. "Yes, we did kiss... For reals" you said. "For reals, reals" Jake said. "Listen, I know you said you don't want to date cops, but I really like you." "I like you too" you said. Seasons 3 and 4 of Brookly...
