It All Started Here (Harry fanfic) *Editing*

Chapter 33

'Go kill yourself!'

I read it over and over again, happy that Harry wasn't home. I cried, I always did when I read this comments. But this is the first one to tell me to die... Sure, people told me that I didn't deserve Harry, that I was ugly, etc. But this... No one since school have ever told me to kill myself. And here I am, re-living it all.

I hadn't told Harry this, but my depressions has slowly crept back to my mind, as well as the eating disorder. Neither did Mindy know, but she's recently out of the country, in Miami, on a trip with her fiancé. 

The tears just continued to stream down my cheeks, more and more. I stood in front of our full length mirror, in my under wears, and just studied myself. From toe to head.

"I'm disgusting..." I whispered to myself, and dried the tears who fell down my face. 

I looked over to my bag, that still wasn't fully unpacked. I started to throw the cloths who was left out in frustration, and just left them on the floor. I finally found what I was looking for, the small pink jar.

I shakily opened it, and looked at those shiny blades. My razors!

I quickly made my way to the bathroom, and closed the door after me, before I fell down to the floor.  I opened the jar again, and picked up one of the blades in my hand. I laid it down on the floor beside me, and took of my pants. 

I shakily brought the blade up to my thigh, closed my eyes, and pulled it over the skin. I felt that familiar feeling, and sighed as more tears started to fall.

I repeated the action at least ten times, before I dropped the razor, and tried to stop the bleeding. I took a piece of paper, and held it against my leg, as I heard the front door close.

"Hello?" Harry yelled from downstairs. "Sandy?" Came right after, and he started to walk up the stairs. 

"Yeah?" I said, while trying to sound normal.

"Where are you?" 

"In the bathroom." I called out.

"Oh..." Was everything he responded. "You sound like you're in pain." I heard him lean against the door.

"No-o I'm not." I said, trying to convince him.

"What have you done..?" He whispered. "Please let me in..." 

"But..." 

"Please..." He begged. Another tear fell from my face, as I got up from the floor. It was a big blood spot on the floor, and I felt like throwing up. 

"You don't want to see." I whispered through the door.

"Open!" He demanded. I took a deep breath, and opened the door. I didn't dare to look at him, so I just kept my gaze to the floor. "Sands..." He choked on his breath. "No..." His arms flung around me, and he sobbed in my neck.

"I'm sorry..." I cried out.

"You need to stop! This isn't good for you!" 

"I know! But it's not that simple!" 

"I'll help you!" He released the grip around me, and made me look at him.

"You can't..." I whispered.

"But I can try! I'll do whatever I can to help you! I can't lose you!" He started to cry as well as I.

"Harry..."

"No! Sandy, listen to me. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on! You're just amazing in every way! I can't lose you to the depression! I won't see you diseapper in front of me!" He took a deep breath. "Don't keep me outside of this! You need me! I love you..." He whispered the last part, and looked at me with red eyes.

"I love you too, Haz!" I cried. He helped me over to the toilet, and made me sit there, while he washed the cuts. 

I didn't even say anything, I was busy with feeling guilty over this. I watched as he frowned  when he looked at the red cuts, and tears filled his eyes. I didn't even flinch when he started to touch it. I just watched his face looking like he was in pain, and it really broke my heart.

When he finally was done, he sighed and looked up at me.

"Have you eaten?" I shook my head slowly.

"I'm sorry..."

"You don't need to apologize! I know it's hard to quit, I know." He wiped away a forming tear with his thumb, and brought me closer to him, and kissed me lightly. "I'll always be here for you, doesn't matter what happens. You can tell me everything, babe." He stroke hair from my face, and smiled weakly.

"I love you Harry." I managed to choke out.

"I love you too, princess." He smiled, and kissed my nose. "C'mon! We're going to eat!" He helped me up, and we walked downstairs together.

Even if he didn't want to say it, I know he's disappointed in me. And I'm disappointed as well... I really thought I would be clean...

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~I'm seriously crying my eyes out to this! I'm to emotional! :'( I've heard that cutting is like an addiction, and I really hope none of you readers is self harming in any way! If you do, feel free to talk to me! Feel free to ask for help! 

Okay, this chapter is better than the last one :/ Hopefully longer too! :D I really hope no one gets ofended for this story, when it's self harm in it. But this actually happens, and this is just a story anyway! 

It's craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy!!!!! Luv ya guys!~ :3 xX

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